Jay's Blue

chapter nine;; heart's future

"What is love?" I mumble to myself as I sit by my computer once more. The question has become more frequent over the past week or so. I cannot think of an answer. I am talking to you - you think I'm okay, and that all I'm doing is conversing with you. A sigh escapes me again as I type a reply to your message, my eyes lighting up. No, not lighting up. Glistening. Streaks of tears slide down the warm surface of my body, dripping from my chin like water from a faucet.

This is love, this pain. My heart aches for you. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I can hardly breathe anymore. Why her? Of all people, it was her. She's so beautiful. So amusing. So charming. So unique. I know why you want her to be yours - anyone could see it at a glance. Her porcelain skin, like a china doll, her swirling blue eyes, her intense concentration compared with her distant gazes. She's perfect in every sense of the way - and she's another of my best friends.

My hands tremble, the metal in my hands throwing off sharp reflections as it catches the light. Tiny droplets of crimson blood pool above the incision in my skin. So small, so invisible. They won't know this time. I can't tell them.

Why do you do this? You know it's always been you, don't you? The one person I've been crushing on. The one person whose every word I hang onto. The one person that makes me weak at the knees.

The one person who stole my heart and made me feel what being in love was like. 

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Chapter nine. Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.