35 Tips For Success
1. When a kid makes faces at you
through their bus window, follow the kid home and make faces at
them through their bedroom window at night.
2. If cops are flashing their lights at you, they want to see
how fast you can really go. Impress them.
3. Write bad songs, sing them terribly, and brush your teeth
with a bottle of jack.
4. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that
you ever tried.
5. You are what you eat, eat skinny people.
6. Give out free hugs for $1
7. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but only if you throw
it really, really hard.
8. Never knock, people love being suprised.
9. When called from an unlisted number, answer the phone with a
heavy foreign accent and sound confused.
10. While driving, slam on your breaks unnecessarily as often
as possible to keep everyone around you alert and paranoid.
11. End every sentence with "according to the
prophecy." It will make you seem spiritual, according to
the prophecy.
12. Talk to strangers if they have candy, especially if they
drive white, windowless vans.
13. Open the Chamber Of Secrets
14. "Charlie Sheen" is an acceptable punchline to any
joke you forget the ending to.
15. Right before opening a soda bottle or can, shake it
vigorously to mix all the flavor together, therefore making
your drink taste better and more satisfying.
16. When conversing with a British person, speak only about tea
or they won't understand you.
17. Always put your address on your house keys, that way if
lost they can be returned to you without any trouble.
18. Be bad, only the good die young.
19. To save money, instead of using tampons, simply wear red
jeans.
20. When playing with grenades, be sure to stand near Bruno
Mars.
21. Remain calm and Call Batman.
22. Alchohol kills germs, be sure to drink plenty to keep your
insides clean.
23. Wear your underwear over your pants, it will make you look
like a super hero.
24. Time is money, steal clocks.
25. Make bomb jokes at the airport. Security loves that kind of
light humor because of their stressful jobs.
26. To save time, try taking your medication for the month all
at once.
27. If you computer is slowing down give it some water, it is
probably suffering dehydration.
28. In the winter metal poles taste like candy, don't
hesitate to lick them.
29. After committing a crime, run to Canada, they'll be too
busy searching Mexico.
30. Always store a secret emergency donut in your car in case
you get pulled over.
31. Ignore warning labels, they are only there because
manufacturers are selfish and want to keep all the fun to
themselves.
32. In the memo field for all your checks be sure to write
"For smuggling cocaine." The bank tellers will admire
your sense of humor and probably send you free money.
33. Use multicolored duct tape, it makes the hostages feel more
at home.
34. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of
boiling hot water down your throat.
35. If at first you don't succeed, redefine
success.
i didn't make this but i love
it!
x credit to whoever x
12 faves · 3 comments · Apr 25, 2011 6:39pm
iceskatinggurl18
·
1 decade ago
I LOOOOOVE THIS!!!!!!
0
reply
punk657
·
1 decade ago
I made it :D
so happy someone like my quote this much :DDDD
0
reply
cutecrew1234 · 1 decade ago
hahhahaha i love this!!!! made my dayy!
0 reply