finding out things i dont wanna know. uncovering things better left buried. things you were scared to find or prayed didnt happen. feeling stupid because we didnt figure things our sooner. all the what ifs, ands, whys running thru your head. blaming yourself for things you had no control over and you know arent your fault. but blaming yourself for them anyway. wanting to change the past to have a different present and then wanting to change the present to get the future you want. to sit in deep thought for hours wondering what you coulda done to change everything.... but feeling oh so helpless...