i hate this feeling. shouldn't it be effortless? am i putting all this pressure on you when it's all my anxiety? i don't know which one it is. i don't feel this way with others. I don't think it's on me. somewhere along the way i learnt i can't trust you.
it's tantrums, then flowers at the door. call me names, then call me yours. i'll disappear, you'll never see me again. call my bluff, go pull me right in. i'm terrified but i want to see this through. what would it be like to runaway with you?
i couldn't make it poetic or ornate i was simply at a loss. when the words failed me, the image of stańczyk came to mind. but alas he was invited to the party. so it wasn't enough, wasn't the same. I'm experiencing a different kind of pain.