It's so hard to climb out of this hole I'm in. The walls are thick and the air is thin. You stand at the mouth, rope at your feet and tell me this is a battle I alone must beat. I cry out, but my voice is too weak and the hole is too deep So I curl up and weep As shadows and monsters creep Inside the hole, to where I lay And still you stand, one thing to say "Help yourself. It's better that way."
There's this guy at work that I have known for almost 3 years now. I always thought he was cute, but then I started seeing someone (also from work).Then after the company's Christmas dinner this guy came up to me & grabbed my hand. I told him to get his friend some water as he had just thrown up. (They were all drunk and I was the DD) I didn't really think much of him trying to hold my hand, despite me being in a relationship with someone else. After a few months my SO and I went to an OpenAir concert where this guy from work was with his friends. At first I didn't even realize what was happening around me as I was pretty drunk myself. But then at some point I realized that he was holding my hand again. I tried holding it up to check if maybe he would let go as I was not "holding it back". Didn't work. & didn't really care at that point. A few months back we were at a festival where we ran into him as well, but nothing happened there. Except for the part that I realized that I might to start crushing on him.Another few months go by and the next christmas dinner was happening. I was no longer in a relationship, but we remained friends. At this point we hadn't really told anyone yet about the break up. So we sat at the table with this guy and we told him. & I also told him that no one would get mad anymore, if he should try to hold hands again. He had his thinking look on his face & after a moment he said: "I can't promise anything."So after the dinner we all decided to go to the bar. By now everyone was pretty drunk. I started to cling onto him & since he didn't seem to mind I continued doing so. I hooked my arm with his, gave him random hugs and by the end of the night he even hopped on my back. This was the point where I started crushing on him hard.I started to ask him to have a drink, to hang out, to go drive around, to the movies, etc. pretty much any idea I could come up with to spend time with him. To my surprise he almost always said yes, if he said no it was because he already had other plans, but always "made it up" to me by setting up another time.During this time he spend a few weeks abroad for work. On the second business trip he added 2 weeks of vacation. Before he'd left for the second trip we talked about his vacation and he was telling my about him going to NYC for a few days. Turned out that he was going alone, so I saw my chance and jokingly said I could join him as I had already put in my vacation days.So a few weeks later I met him in NYC. We had a few amazing days together, but on the "love-side" nothing really happened. Although, he was always really caring about me.
how to feel like a fairy princess at home 🌷 • keep fresh flowers or a mini succulent garden in a favorite spot of your room • adorn the spaces above and around your bed with lights, flower garlands, and flowy fabrics • keep a little dish of dried fruits or nuts near your bed • make a glittery mason jar, filling it with your thoughts written on little scraps of paper • let the sunlight in as much as possible • display your fairytale books • play soft classical music and let the sounds flow out your window
side by side, we were standing. you are the shadow of my childhood. dark and behind me. at least i would like to keep you behind me. side by side, unavoidable. i wish you knew and were responsible for what you have done in the past. not just you, but what you represent. when i see you i just remember how it was back then. i don't know what grade i was in. I must have been around 10. we were good friends before, we were all close and so similar. then out of the blue, i wasn't fun to hang around with anymore. i don't know why you made me out to be the weird one. you were the centre of the group, you could have reversed it. i couldn't speak up for myself, i was too taken aback. a group of friends, people who made me look forward to going to saturday school had suddenly decided for me that i would from then on dread saturdays. this is from years ago, i am for the most part over it. the part i'm not over is the awkwardness between us. i'm not okay with being made the strange one. i was left alone and over the years everyone seems to have forgotten the part they played. "why are you so quiet? howcome you never hang out with us? it's been ages since we last saw you." that's the part i'm not over because it's still ongoing. idk if i'll ever get my closure. if they have forgotten then so be it. i can't control what happened. i want to hug my past self. tell her she didn't do anything wrong. friendship is God's test for you in this life. i've realised this now. it's okay. i can't say that it won't continue to hurt you, but if anything it hurts less often.