Scarred
Before I write this, I just
want to say this is not going to be a continued story. I just
wanted to write this and see how it plays out. So if you like it,
great, and if you don't, I don't care. This is for me.
Please don't steal it.
The nightmares always start the same.
There's always darkness. And a window. The drapes flutter in an
invisible storm outside of the window... although the window is
floating in the dark space. Then the dark space lights up with
lightning. Thunder booms. The glass shatters. The shards fly at me,
but I can't move. They pelt me, and I feel them pierce my skin.
I'm paralyzed as millions of pictures flash across my eyes as
though they're not my own, as though I have no control.
There's me, there's a body, there's blood, there's
a window, there's rain, then there's him. There's
me, there's a body, there's blood, there's a window,
there's rain, then there's him. There's me,
there's a body, there's blood, there's a window,
there's rain, then there's him. Over and over and over and
over. Until I can't take it anymore and I have to scream. And
my screaming wakes me. And it's just a dream.
It's
morning. Light shines through the tiny cracks in the boards
covering my bedroom window. I had it covered ever since... ever
since. I yawn and stretch, then realize I'm going to be late
and rush out of bed. The day wont wait for you, although you wait
for the day. She used to say that all the time... my sister.
Alyssa. Before it happened. Before our lives were shattered. Before
I lost it. Before our family became a bunch of strangers living
under one roof.
The bell
rings and I realize I'm in the hallway at school. Sometimes I
do this. Sometimes I think so hard about something that I'm on
auto-pilot until something shakes me out of it. It's first
period. My first day back. I high-tail it to english. English is
always two periods, but that just means I can relax in one chair
for longer. It means I wont have to be stared at by too many
different faces... just the faces in one class. Instead of the
faces in two.
I sit down
in the first empty chair I can grab. I ignore the stares.
That's what my therapist said to do. Just ignore the stares. I
think I'm doing a good job, until he walks in. Him. I was
hoping we wouldn't have any classes together. I was hoping the
school board would have pity on at least one of us, since... it
happened. But they didn't. My eyes flick up to his and we lock
our gazes together. I can't do this. I thought I could, but I
can't. I can't be here with him, knowing that he saw what
happened. Knowing that he was a witness. Knowing that we were
thrown into each others lives by one accident. Everyone tells me it
was an accident. But I know it wasn't. I know it was my fault.
And he does, too. He knows. James knows.
I don't
know what the gossipers have spread around but either way, the
story is a juicy one. Juicy. Wrong word. The picture of blood seeps
around in my head, like someone is pouring a pitcher of it in
there. My heart rate speeds up. I start to hyperventilate. I
can't do this. I can't do this. I lock eyes with James
again as he sits down. My eyes are wide. I'm going... I'm
going insane. I can't do this. Oh, God. I can't do-
"Calm." He whispers. Or maybe he says it. How can I
hear him from across the room if he whispered it? I imagined his
voice, but I saw the word on his lips. And now I... I'm calmer.
I'm slowing down. I'm okay. I'm okay. I breathe. I can
get through the day. But maybe not the
year.
Scarred Before I write this, I just want to say this is not going
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3 comments
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Aug 27, 2010 6:40pm
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untouchablexoxo · 1 decade ago
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omigosh i reallyyyy want you to finish it!