My life means something
#1

“Dude I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.” I say as I’m sitting in a leather recliner and a fellow teammate, Kyle Hanks, is sitting next to on a matching dark brown leather couch. I’m not sure what time it is but it’s dark outside. I take a long drag from the joint he just passed me. I get the familiar weightless feeling that comes with the hit. It fades fast.
     “Umm let’s see. We’re in my house. You have a joint in your right hand and a beer in your left. Marissa is sitting on yourrrrr lap and you’re sssssurrounded by your friendssss.” Kyle slurs, which clearly tells me that he’s had one too many tonight. 
     “That’s not what I’m talking about dude. I was just thinking wha—.” My reply was cut off with Marissa’s sultry voice whispering my ear.
     “Stop thinking and just feel. Feel me.” She put her hands on my chest, feeling her way down to my upper thighs, and resting her hands on my front pockets. Her lips trailed my jaw line down to my neck and her tongue slid out of her mouth onto my neck. I passed the joint to James sitting next to me on the wall and pushed Marissa closer to me, my hand resting on her bare lower back… Wait. Bare?! I turn my head and finally register Marissa’s lingerie clad body grinding against me. She slides her soft lips over to mine and starts kissing me over and over again.
     “Marissa stop.” I whisper as she tried to send her tongue beyond my lips.
     “No baby just enjoy it.” She whispered back, trying again to push her tongue past my lips.
      I muster up all the force I can in my half-high half-drunk state and push her away.
     “Stop.”
     “JL what’s wrong with you tonight?” Kyle was now lying on the pool table, where a brunette in black lingerie was sliding her hands under his white shirt while playfully biting his neck. That made a soft moan escape Kyle’s lips.
      “Nothin’ man. I just need some fresh air.” I pushed Marissa to the floor and, stepping over her body, stumbled to the kitchen and threw my can away. After a quick stop at the kitchen counter to catch my breath and to stop my spinning head, I pushed my way out of the front door and took a seat on the sidewalk. I dug around my pocket for my phone and got ready to speed dial the number of the only person who I know would bail me out of all this and bring me back to normal. I was about to hit call when reality hit me and I began to remember what had happened to me three weeks ago. The one person that could help me was no longer in my life. And for the first time in three weeks I allowed myself to cry.