This is what happens when you decide to stay friends with your ex, the one person you love in the whole world:

him: what did i say that was so jerky?
me: Everything. Remember when we like got into arguments and i would be the 1st one to apologize? well thats because i didnt want to lose you as a friend. But gosh everytime i talk to you it feels like u dont want to talk to me. Your like pushing me away. If your not then i'm sorry but thats why it looks like. I use to be so afraid that you would never talk to me. I use to think that losing you as a friend would be the worst thing that could happen to me. But now idk...