see i'm the type of person that doesn't know what she wants. one day i could be liking one person and then write a quote that's all about "oh he's different, he's good for me." no, wrong again. every guy i meet, is just like the other one i met last night. i'm the type that gets hurt. the type that is always on the ground because i just don't know how to get up. but i do get up. and i do keep fighting. but sometimes fighting, isn't good enough. fighting gets you hurt. fighting is what people do when they want to get away or get to something. that something is usually love. love, is what most people want in life. love makes everything better. love and happiness--that's what people say. you can't go wrong with love and happiness. but what if you don't have happiness. well, i guess you don't have love then. i guess it's like a two part deal huh? yeah, i guess it is.. my friends think they know everything about me. truth is, they don't. they don't know that i spend hours and hours of thinking of great quotes to write. or that the quotes i write actually mean something to me. or that i watch love movies just to feel something--anything really, maybe love--but that's a long shot. they don't know that i'm miserable inside. that i have a hole in my heart because i've been hurt so many, many times and that from that i have a hole inside of me. they don't know that i think about what could have been between me and the one that has hurt me the most every-single-day. i pretend that i'm alright. i'll go to my friends' houses and act normal, but inside it kills me. it kills me to see my best friend and her boyfriend. and it's not that fact that i don't like them together that's not it at all. it's just i'm in a place where couples make me sick. i just love seeing people happy and together with someone. that they have someone in their lives. i envy them. that they have someone that loves them and cares about them so much. i want that. i need that. but i can't have that can i? no, not for me. i'm a hopeless romantic. i write about love and finding love, but yet i don't have love. love isn't easy to find--i guess anyone can tell you that. but i guess once you find it you better hold onto it. love is like a road, there are lots of turns--one minute everything can seem fine, and the next you and you're significant other are in a fight. "love hurts" as Nazareth once said. truly that is a great song to a heartbroken person. anyone that knows me can tell you that i listen to that song every heartbreak i get. so maybe i am blocking out the happiness or maybe i don't have the happiness anymore.so i will travel on this road; that leads to nowhere. and yes, i will stop but every time i stop i'll probably get a cut. and the hole in my heart..well it will get bigger. until that one day. just that one day when he comes back to me. and he fills my heart with happiness, but more importantly love. i'll be waiting for the one person that has hurt me the most to come back to me and tell me he was wrong. i promise i'll be waiting. i promise. but until that day actually happens...i'll sit here. writing my stupid quotes that are filled with meaning. i don't know what will happen in the next few days or even 5 years from now. i just know life goes on. people change either for the worst or for the better. but i will continue to wait and i will continue to write about finding love. and who knows maybe once i find it. i won't be that type of person who doesn't know what they want. because i'll have it. but 'til then...i'll wait.....
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