Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

Quotes added on Monday, April 4 2005

  1. chickenwinggirl chickenwinggirl
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 8:53am EDT
    what goes in hard and comes out sticky and wet?
    Bubble gum, you sicko!

  2. chickenwinggirl chickenwinggirl
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 8:54am EDT
    why are fire engines red?
    you'd be red too if somebody picked up your hose and dragged it across the street!

  3. chickenwinggirl chickenwinggirl
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 9:03am EDT
    Rejected Hallmark Cards
    1)so your daughter's a hooker,
    and it spoiled your day.
    Look at the bright side,
    She's a really good lay!
    2)My tire was thumping,
    I thought it was flat.
    When I looked at the tire,
    I noticed your cat.
    Sorry!
    3)You had a bladder removed,
    and you're on the mends.
    Here's a bouquet of flowers
    and a box of Depends!
    4)You've announced that you're gay,
    Won't that be a laugh,
    When they find out you're one
    Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!
    5)Happy Vasectomy!
    Hope you feel zippy!
    'Cause when I had mine
    I got real snippy!
    6)Heard your wife left you.
    How upset you must be,
    But don't fret about it,
    She moved in with me!
    7)You totaled your car
    And can't remember why.
    Could it have been
    that cast of Bud Dry?

  4. chickenwinggirl chickenwinggirl
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 9:10am EDT
    Parrot-Prostitutes
    A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, "Hi, we're prostitues. Wanna have some fun?"
    "That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop say that that terrible phrase, and you female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
    The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said,"Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
    One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "put those beads away,our prayers have been answered!"

  5. chickenwinggirl chickenwinggirl
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 9:16am EDT
    Psychiatric Hotline
    We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waitiing on the phonefor eons to hear all the choices the lucky touch-tone dialers receive. Well, thnk how frustrating that would be if you were calling the.... PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE
    The telephone rings and an answering machine answers..."Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive conpulsive, please press one repeatedly.
    If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
    If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
    If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.
    If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.

  6. volleybabii7 volleybabii7
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 12:45pm EDT
    a wise rapper once sed laidesz r pimpsz too so go on brush your shouldersz*
    eDiTsZz~~--> purpLe3e & lime3e gre3en comic sans ms size3e 8
    x0Oo0Oo* taRa * oO0oO0x

  7. CollegeKiddo86 CollegeKiddo86
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 1:41pm EDT
    I lost my number can I have urs?

  8. CollegeKiddo86 CollegeKiddo86
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 1:44pm EDT
    I walk a lonely road
    The only one I that have ever known
    Don't know were it goes
    But its home to me and I walk alone
    Green Day-Boulevard of Broken Dreams

  9. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:20pm EDT
    it's not your voice
    it's not your smile
    it's just the little things you do
    that make life worthwhile

  10. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:20pm EDT
    i wanna know when its gonna be my turn to fall in love, my turn to have someone to turn to when everything is going wrong.....

  11. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:23pm EDT
    Through the wind and the rain
    She stands hard as a stone
    In a world that she can't rise above
    But her dreams give her wings
    And she flies to a place where
    She's loved
    Concrete angel

  12. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:23pm EDT
    Here I am, once again
    Im torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend
    Just thought you were the one
    Broken up, deep inside
    But you won't get to see the tears I cry

  13. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:24pm EDT
    I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
    I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
    It's true and no fronting
    Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
    I'll just break down : (

  14. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:26pm EDT
    life is like a highway,sometimes the traffic is busy and sometimes there are obstacles but at the end you finally reach you destination and find out it was all worthwhile..
    just thought of that..kinda cool
    use
    not taking credit

  15. XxBaBiiGrLxX710 XxBaBiiGrLxX710
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:36pm EDT
    one part of me wants you back and the other wants you to leave me alone....

  16. _x3_Addy _x3_Addy
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:37pm EDT
    .- Beautiful Disaster____` '(`._/`--_
    its liike takki`n me t0 the t0p 0f the`
    hiighest m0untaii`n, sh0wiing me ..
    the w0rld..'nd then telling me -`this
    '- - - iis what y0u cant have - - -'

  17. _x3_Addy _x3_Addy
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:39pm EDT
    the prettiest people do the ugliest things.
    []

  18. _x3_Addy _x3_Addy
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:39pm EDT
    Love isn't about finding
    the p e r f e c t person
    but learning to see an
    i m p e r f e c t person
    - - - p e r f e c t l y - - -

  19. _x3_Addy _x3_Addy
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:40pm EDT
    "`in my eyes that three minute dance could last a lifetime`"

  20. _x3_Addy _x3_Addy
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2005 2:41pm EDT
    BumpSz `nd bruises got nothing on a
    b . r. o . k . e . n heaRt </3

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2017 Witty Profiles