Rejected Hallmark Cards 1)so your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, She's a really good lay! 2)My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry! 3)You had a bladder removed, and you're on the mends. Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends! 4)You've announced that you're gay, Won't that be a laugh, When they find out you're one Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff! 5)Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy! 6)Heard your wife left you. How upset you must be, But don't fret about it, She moved in with me! 7)You totaled your car And can't remember why. Could it have been that cast of Bud Dry?
Parrot-Prostitutes A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots, and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, "Hi, we're prostitues. Wanna have some fun?" "That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop say that that terrible phrase, and you female parrots will learn to praise and worship." The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage. The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The females said,"Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?" One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "put those beads away,our prayers have been answered!"
Psychiatric Hotline We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waitiing on the phonefor eons to hear all the choices the lucky touch-tone dialers receive. Well, thnk how frustrating that would be if you were calling the.... PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE The telephone rings and an answering machine answers..."Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive conpulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call. If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.
I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you I`m calling, calling out to you what am I going to do? It's true and no fronting Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you I'll just break down : (
life is like a highway,sometimes the traffic is busy and sometimes there are obstacles but at the end you finally reach you destination and find out it was all worthwhile.. just thought of that..kinda cool use not taking credit
.- Beautiful Disaster____` '(¯`·._/`--_ ¦ its liike takki`n me t0 the t0p 0f the` ¦ ¦ hiighest m0untaii`n, sh0wiing me .. ¦ ¦ the w0rld..'nd then telling me -`this ¦ '- - - »iis what y0u cant have « - - -'