But more than anything,
I wanted to be able to walk away. And it seemed like the one thing I couldn’t do at that moment.
Like my feet were glued to the pavement and my lips and tongue suddenly weren’t able to work.
It was the moment I knew I had been waiting for, for so long. To tell him just how broken I felt
and how empty and wrong everything felt without him next to me. That everything I did reminded
me of him and no matter how hard I tried, nothing I did felt completely right. But to declare that I’m
so strong and I always knew I would be okay without him holding my hand. That this is what life
consists of. Of “I’m sorry’s” and “I miss you’s. ” And I knew that we all had to fall at some point,
but I wasn’t ready to fall. I tried to leap but had nowhere to land. “I guess I thought you’d come
back,” I said with tear filled eyes. And I didn’t want him to see me weak, it was that last thing I
wanted to show him. The pit of my stomach lurched forward and I think my heart fell out of my
chest. I was never good at making statements but with nothing to lose, I had everything to gain.
“What do you want me to say, Liza?” “I want you to say something. I want you to know. I want
you to understand and feel everything I felt when you decided to just leave. To just waltz out
when the timing felt right for you. Well the timing wasn’t right for me. I woke up every morning
with an aching heart. I hoped you would come back and every night when you wouldn’t, it felt
like I was missing something. I want you to say you’re sorry, I want you to say you missed me.
I want you to say that every minute you were gone that you wished you were here. I want you
to say anything. ” “Babe..,” he choked out. “But most of all, I want you to know that I don’t need
you. Because during the month that you decided not to visit or call or communicate, I found
something that you could never give me. I found myself. ” And in that instance, my feet swiftly
turned me to face the sunset and I walked away from something I wasn’t sure two months ago
I would ever turn my back on. I always thought I needed someone to love me. But loving myself
was something I needed far more.
xmaryyx