rest in peace grandpa<3
you left this world three months ago but i still can't believe you're just gone.
you were the closest thing i had to a real father and i grew up being completely
spoiled by you. every time i'd get hurt, you were always there. you were my crying
shoulder and you never failed to make me feel better. even if i made a mistake you always said,
"i'm still proud of you ashley, nothing will change that. "
no one understood our relationship cause we were so alike in many ways.. you're the only person that's never let me down. everyone knew i was the closest person to you and i was
your little girl. i used to be stuck to you like glue and you were my best friend.
when i saw you on the day of my final goodbye, i just held your hand and broke down.
i stood in front of you and just cried. i looked at you with the same look i had when i was
a baby, took your cold finger and slid it down my cheek, wiping my tears cause you said,
"i'll always be there to wipe your tears, no matter what."
you always understood me and loved me without any doubts. before you died, i wasn't
around to visit you as much. i was busy with school and friends, i didn't pay attention to you anymore. hours before your death, i saw you but we didn't talk. i could see it in your eyes that something was wrong but i didn't ask. i didn't show you that i still care. i didn't tell you i love you.
"you're alive because someone down here loves you more than god up there."
i'm sorry i ignored you. i'm sorry i didn't talk to you as much. i'm just so sorry.
but it's too late. you're gone. forever.
you were the only one that noticed i was in love with that boy. you were the
one that could see right through my fake smiles. when you saw me upset
cause of that boy, you told me..
"he isn't worth your tears."
when you saw how happy he made me and how much i loved him
you used to say..
"if he can make you smile like that, he's a keeper. don't give up on him."
you were right. you knew me so well and didn't judge my decisions.
you always supported me and wanted only the best for me. i tried
to hide the pain after your death to be strong for grandma but she's
a complete wreck without you. as am i. i'm her only hope now.
i think about you everyday and each day that passes by is harder
than the last. they say,
"sometimes you just have to let go of the people you love."
but what if i don't know how grandpa? what if i can't let go of you?
you never taught me how.
now all i get is haunted with nightmares of people, i love leaving.
sometimes i just sit in your room and cry. the words play over
and over again in my mind.
"just move on."
i'm not ready to. i miss you so much grandpa. it hurts..
how could you leave your little girl when all she does is cry?
i'm sorry i just can't forget you..
02/12/11 ):
iloveyou.
this is just a vent, if you read it all, i love you. ♥
storiestilldeathxo