i wish i was who i used to be.
that girl who, was so motivated.
so dedicated.
so smart.
so nice.
so faithful.
so innocent.
so loving towards her family.
so friendly.
so..
happy.
where did this girl go? i ask myself everyday. if feels like she's gone, im gone. like i faded away into nothingness, and am slowly, ever so slowly but somehow so rapdily changing.
i miss myself.
i used to get amazing grades, and tried at EVERYTHING 190%. what happened to that? now, im failing almost every class.
i used to be an over-achiever, a perfectionist. thats not me anymore.
all my smiles used to be real and genuine, but now, i never see myself smiling. i dont even know what my real smile looks like anymore.
im so fake. SO FAKE. but of course, all anyone ever sees is that brick wall of happiness ive built up. and if im sad, im "depressed." sucks, let me tell you.
i wish i didnt always feel like i wasnt good enough for anything. i miss knowing i was good at something. writing and drawing, and being one of the best.
now all i tell myself is;
you suck at writing. listen to all these other people. honors english. you can only write poems.
and drawing? where will that get you? no where.
i suck at math. i suck at science. im not smart. im not..good enough.
i hate myself.
i hate who i am, who ive become.
and i cant even explain why.
i just, wish..
i wish i could go back to who i was, because who i am is not who i want to be.
oh man, i wish.