Inhale.
Exhale.
Slowly as possible.
Breathe.
Thrive.
Nothing compares to the pain, all I can do is cry. As if crying could save me from drowning.
I can't breathe and my head is above water.
I'm screaming silently and staying on my toes.
No one hears a sound, and I feel myself going numb.
But every intake of oxygen cuts my heart like a falcons talons.
Shredded.
Old.
Renewed.
Clean.
Muted.
The pain was familiar, oh but how I needed to be reminded of what it was like to lose another part of me.
But I didn't have any more to give.
Give what?
"Give what?"
I would scream to myself.
I couldn't tell which was worse,
feeling so much pain and going numb, or
feeling so much numbness it becomes a new pain.
Everything was cold.
My hands.
My head.
My legs.
Everything but the raging fire that singed and burned my stomach, making me cringe.
Because God I was furious.
I was doing good,
I was making progress.
I was walking up the stairs.
I had finally gotten the courage in this haunted place.
When an old camouflaged step broke beneath my two bare feet,
putting me back where I was, with every bone broken.
Once again.
And I knew I would have to heal again,
just to try to get back up,
and hope that the door would be unlocked.
And hope that someone would actually be there,
on the other side.
sheyannadawn