Witty Profiles

pleasespeaktomyface

1. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 24, 2012 6:20pm UTC
   Jesus: Tell them about that one time I fought the dragon!
   Priest: That never happened, Jesus.
   Jesus: lol tell them anyways!
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
2. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 24, 2012 6:15pm UTC
   My friend left his Facebook open and I posted something.
   LOL I'M SUCH A HACKER.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
3. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 24, 2012 6:08pm UTC
   My boyfriend hung the mistletoe
   from his belt, because you have to "kiss under the mistletoe."
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 154 points
4. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 23, 2012 10:27am UTC
   This quote is in Spanish
   when you're not looking.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 126 points
5. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 22, 2012 10:47pm UTC
   Just listened to Juan Direction's new single,
   "What Makes You Burrito."
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
6. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 22, 2012 3:11pm UTC
   Me: You need to stop dating girls. It ruins them.
   My ex-boyfriend: I dated you.
   Me: Yeah. And you ruined me.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 14 points
7. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 22, 2012 3:08pm UTC
   Fish are just fish.
   Unless they are clownfish. Then they are Nemo.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 45 points
8. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 22, 2012 12:30am UTC
   The entire cat population
   is my best friend.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
9. pleasespeaktomyface
   posted a quote
   November 21, 2012 10:49am UTC
   My dad got a note in the mail
   from Mercedes-Benz saying,
   "Sorry, we may have moved your seat while cleaning."
   #firstworldproblems
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 14 points
10. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 21, 2012 10:43am UTC
    I hate
    everyone.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 22 points
11. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2012 5:15pm UTC
    Dad's conversation with my little brother;
    Dad: Have a good day at school, Alec!
    Alec: I will not.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 31 points
12. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2012 8:10am UTC
    Reality: Stress, family problems, exams, school, no money, grades, bullying, social pressure.
    Put headphones in: Peace.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 35 points
13. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 19, 2012 8:52pm UTC
    We were dead for millions of years
    before we were born.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
14. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 19, 2012 8:47pm UTC
    Have you ever looked at someone and thought,
    "You are a future pedophile."
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 200 points
15. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 19, 2012 8:41pm UTC
    2 AM: Wide awake.
    3 AM: Awake.
    4 AM: Getting sleepy.
    4:30 AM: Asleep.
    4:31 AM: MEOW MEOW MEOW.
    Ugh cats.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 14 points
16. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 19, 2012 8:38pm UTC
    I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert,
    until I realized I was watching a homeless man scream at a pigeon.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 46 points
17. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 19, 2012 8:32pm UTC
    Never underestimate the power of your actions.
    With one small gesture, you can change a person's life.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
18. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2012 1:56pm UTC
    Biitch: You're fat.
    Me: Sorry, can't hear you, having an intense makeout session with pizza.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 33 points
19. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2012 1:54pm UTC
    My Boyfriend A shout out to all the beautiful women who don't need to dress half-naked to get a man's attention. Stay classy! But for the rest of you, I'd like you to come with me.
    Unlike · Comment 12 hours ago via mobile
    You and 22 others like this.
    thanks babe.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 34 points
20. pleasespeaktomyface
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2012 1:47pm UTC
    Our phones fall, we panic.
    Our friends fall, we laugh.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points

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