I can't say I'm fine.
Chapter 2
Josh's POV
I came back inside about an hour later, sweaty and shirtless. I turned to the staircase to get away from Katy, but ended up turning around and sitting down on the couch next to the silent girl. "K-Katy? I'm sorry."
"it's okay. It's not your fault."
I could just hear the cracks in her voice, the clear evidence of her crying. I sighed before carefully wrapping my arms around the fragile girl. She hesitated before hugging me back, and I understood. I had just screamed at her- and now I was acting like her best friend again. "At least you still hug me like you used to."
"Yeah. I guess."
I sighed. What was wrong with her? She was never this short speeched, even when she was in her suicidal moods. I pressed a light kiss to the top of her head, resting my forehead against hers to make her look in my eyes. "I wish things could be different..."
"It's my fault, Josh. I messed it all up-"
I cut her off, moving my finger from her lips to her cheek. "Stop blaming yourself. It's both of our faults, okay?"
"Joshua- I can't just stop blaming myself for loosing the best thing that ever happened to me. " I could see the tears start to form in her eyes. I heaved a small sigh. "I know, Katy, but we have to move on. I'm sorry it didn't work out." With that I got up, making my way to the kitchen. I couldn't help but smirk at the sound of her footsteps behind me. I took out my phone and texted Jamie back, quickly putting it away once she was right behind me. I watched her go to sit on the counter before leaning on the counter opposite her.
"Hey- Kate. We were standing in the same spots four months ago."
"Please- don't remind me."
"Wow. I'd think those two days were burned in the back of your mind."
"Maybe they are. But I don't need to be any more mentally screwed than I am already."
"...did you at least remember the good part of it?"
"Let's just not talk about it, yeah? I'm sure you're off and happy with some other girl, I refuse to be a constant reminder of the past."
I looked down before having to look back up at the mumble from the girl in Spanish. "What?"
She met my eyes, lightly laughing and looking back down. "Nothing. Don't worry about it, kay?"
I stepped towards her and places a hand on either side of her to block her from slipping out from my view. "Katlyn, tell me." I groaned when she shook her head. "Katy- you know I'll always be here. I'm just looking out for you." I blinked as she laughed, shaking her head.
"I don't need a body guard, Joshua. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself."
"Huh, really now? Fine then. Get out."
I backed up to let her off the counter and watched her mumble as she reached the door.
"Why the heck are you so hard to read, Katlyn!? I'm sorry, but yes, I moved on! I found someone else and I never wanted you to know. I want to make you happy, Katy, I do! But it's hard to do when you have your guards so high up I can't even breathe!"
"That's not my fault, Joshua! You wanna read me? Fine. I'll read aloud. I love you. I went to Puerto Rico for you. I never wanted to leave the state, let alone the country! I'm sick of you acting like my father! I have one, Josh! I don't need two."
"You need a guide, Katy. You always think one thing can get you out of another. My brother is dead and you don't find me drowing in a bottle of jack! And I still love you too. Are you happy now?"
"I haven't smoked in two months. Once. I did it once. Half a joint- I stopped. You can't love me. You said it yourself- you found someone else. You just... can't."
I leaned my head against the nearby wall, groaning. "Can I just have a moment?" She knew exactly what I meant. I listened ot make sure she was outside before I went up the stairs into the bathroom. I carefully selected my weapon- a pristine new razor blade. With it i sat, slowly dragging it down my arm and trying to stay silent as the blood gushed.
Like|Comment|Give Feedback!<3
paper_heartsxx