I know this isn't the prettiest quote out there.. but I'd really appreciate it if someone out there could take the time to listen to me.. ♥
I need help. I honestly don't know whats been going on in my life lately. Sometimes all I wanna do is sleep, and never wake up. I keep hoping that somebody would kill me and my life would just end, unfinished. I would never think about suicide or cutting myself. I just don't have the strength and courage to hurt myself. 2011 has just started and it's already one of the worst years. So much has already been happening to me and It's just January. I keep thinking to myself, is it gonna get better? Or worse..? I've been through so much for a 13 year old 8th grader. I discovered my father has been diagnosed with cancer.. My families slowly falling apart. My mother goes crazy, my brother fights with everyone, especially me. He hits, pushes, shoves, scratches, punches.. there's really nothing I can do towards him. I'm a little kid. I have no voice at home, I have to keep my thoughts to myself. I don't really know from where or what he's learned all this sh*t. But I'm tired of it, I just wanna run away, but there's no where to go. I've been hurt by boys so many times in my life, all in different ways. It's like if there's a new guy.. new problem.. new lesson to be learned. I just wanna be loved. Perfectly, like you see in the movies, you know? Maybe it's too good to be true. My friends tell me to have hope, but I've been screwed over so many times in my life I don't even know what hope is. I DO believe there are great people out there, but the ones surrounding me aren't those people even if they say they are. I love my friends, they're all I have. But friends never get you anywhere in your life. YOU have to do something with your life. I'm worried about my future, I don't think I'm even going to get my middle school diploma. It's all because I changed my school recently, I don't even wanna get up in the mornings. The classes are hard, I'm pressured.. It's hard to make friends. I'm just that new fat girl. I need to be alone. I drown in my insecurities, I hope someday I'll just wake up and everything will just fade away. I'm really worried about my dad.. we can't afford surgery. He's my favorite family member. I don't know what I'd do without him. I think, if he goes.. I wanna go with him. I see that pretty girls picture, her hair, eyebrows, body, clothes and think .. wow. She must have it real good, if only..
Thank you for reading this. Believe it or not, the fact that you took your time really means a lot to me
♥
lalaalaax3