The first day of school had come and left. I got onto the bus to go home, and the only seat left was right smack dab next to him. I felt my heart break. My eyes welded with tears as I looked into his perfect crystal blue eyes. His hair was perfectly gelled. Everything about him was perfect; perfect smile, perfect laugh, perfect dimples, perfect body. Was this fate? Was there a reason therewas only a spot left by him?The story begins when I had broken my toe in dance. Since I couldn’t participate in dance, I couldn’t in P.E. either. While my gym class was going snow shoeing, I stayed inside and watched the older kids P.E. class. As I sat there bored out of my mind, I saw him. It felt like the whole world had stopped; my heart was racing; I lost my breath. What was happening? I’ve never felt this way before. Who was this boy? Did he see me? No, I thought to myself, of course he didn’t, why would he look at someone like you? Later that day, after I got home from school I went onto Facebook. Right there in my inbox was a message from him! My heart was racing. Again, the world froze.Could it really be? Was I dreaming? Oh my gosh! Once I had gotten myself collected I read the message, “Hey Tori, saw you in my gym class today. What happened to you? You hurt?” What! He actually noticed me. I quickly responded, “ Hey! Yeah I broke my toe in dance. Lame I know:).” That’s when it all started. This boy and I talked 24/7. We got to know each other really well. He was two years older than me, loved being outdoors, hunting, fishing, driving his lame golf cart. This boy seemed absolutely perfect in my mind.A couple of weeks went by, and we started dating. No one would have ever guessed our relationship only lasted two weeks. Does that even count as a relationship? I was fine with out him. My life had gone on new events, new people. Still he was always there in the back of my mind. I was always wishing I had him. He was the type of boy who listened when I talked. Whenever I was mad or sad he would make things better. He was never forceful or disrespectful. Why wouldn’t I like him? He was the boy of every girl’s dreams: smart, handsome, sensitive. My life was dull and useless without him. Why did I need him so much? After a couple months I gave in, and we started talking again. Yes, I know, I was right back to square one. My heart raced, the world stopped. Is this love? Nah, it couldn’t be; I am too young to know what love is. Again, we became very close. Best friends. It turned out that I ended up moving about two minutes from where he lived. Yes! This couldn’t get any better. We rode the same bus, so we got to talk a lot. This was around May, so school was almost over. It was a good thing we lived closed to each other for the summer.He and I stayed close throughout June. As we all know though , good things have come to an end. We ended up getting in a huge fight. About what? I do not remember. The rest of the summer was awful! I felt alone, lost, and betrayed. I needed him. No way, though, was I going to text him; no way was I going to give in. I needed him to know I didn’t need him! The summer had soon ended, which brings me back to the beginning of my story. After that bus ride he, and I started talking again. We got to be close, again. I loved being with him. This boy was amazingly perfect. Does he feel the same about me? I needed him to need me. I wanted him to need me, but deep down I knew he didn’t, I knew I was just another girl to him. I wasn’t going to let my self think that though. I wasn’t going to let myself feel that pain anymore. No matter how much of a lie it was he made me feel better, isn’t that all that counts?A month later he had turned 16, and he got his license. No more bus rides together. My mother had forbid me from riding with him in his car. We started not talking as much, and we were over, again. Back came the feeling of loneliness, betrayal, and disappointment. This went on and on for months! On, off, on, off. Happy, sad, happy, sad. I wish he would just make up his mind. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I have known him for about two years now. Our relationship has been nothing but rocky. This boy had been with me through think and thin; happy and sad. We have no relationship anymore, nothing. I love him, I miss him, I need him. He hates me. When we see each other it’s like we’ve never met; like I never meant anything to him. He’s done with me. The thing is though when i see him my heart still races, I lose my breath, the world comes to a stop, but does he care? No, he will never care. I have to live with knowing that he means everything to me and I mean absolutely nothing to him. I close my eyes and I can still see his blue eyes, cute dimples when he smiled, perfect hair. I can still hear his voice, his laugh. My heart still yearns for him.I’ve realized life is not perfect though, so we all need to believe in God and ourselves because that is how we can grow and become stronger people. We need to work on our relationship with God, and grow in his love. Yes, it is hard to see this boy and have to know it’s over that is when I look to God for help to become a better person. It is better to leave a relationship broken than hurt yourself trying to put it back together.
ilovechasetoday