I never understood why people would congratulate/make a big deal about birthdays, it never made sense to me why it was such a big occasion because all you were doing was living - but now through the years I have understood why, I know understand the struggle involved in living in making it to your next birthday. I know understand why birthdays should be celebrated and that makes me kinda sad.
I'm not ready to be an adult, can't I just go back to the times when going to the toilet on time by myself was an achievement and when my only worry was trying to watch winnie the pooh on time or trying to figure out which shoe goes on which foot. I'm seriously not ready to grow up
I was out with some family today and there was this group of boys standing checking all the girls out and loudly saying who they would go out with and complimenting them so I desperately tried to avoid the group of boys but one of them pointed to me and said " urgh not her ever she's too ugly" and all the other boys agreed and starting laughing at me. At least I made someone laugh
Once upon a time there was this girl who would cry herself to sleep every night, question her self worth, her value to the world. Everything she did was wrong, everything was her fault, nobody cared about her not even when she slowly began to fade. She hated not only the reflection in the mirror but every single inch of her body and soul. Her heart was heavy with pain, her smile was tried of being something its not, she doesn't know what to do anymore, she doesn't feel like shes worth the fight. if only I could go back and save this girl, but this girl is lost in an unhappy whirlwind of tears, pain and the constant hatred towards herself. And for this girl there is no happy ever after
When the people who are meant to care and love you the most no matter what turn around and look you straight in the eyes and tell you that they dont care about you, they hate you and they dont want anything to do with you, it hurts. It hurts a lot.
It's kinda crazy how I know that my daydreams won't ever happen yet I refuse to stop daydreaming, It's like I'm addicted to this life I'll never have and i dread that day when reality will come crashing down
I ask everyone if they've seen this girl, for you see this girl has been lost for a while, she doesnt know where she belongs or the true value of her worth, she responds to a name so famillar, her pain is caused by a story that seems a little too close to home, I look in the mirror but I cant seem to find what I'm looking for, so please if you see her tell her I miss her
You look at me and all you see is a mess, you have no problem in telling me im worthless, you call me fat and thats not the worst of that, you tell me I'll never be beautiful, and I can't describe how that makes me feel awful, you tell me im a waste of space, you have no problem in telling me this to my face, and I just don't understand why I'm still standing here, drowning in my own tears
When I need someone noone is there, this game we call life just doesn't seem fair, when something goes wrong you know where to find me, you'll always know where I am or where I'll be, but when I'm alone and lost, your time seems to come at a cost, a cost that I cannot seem to pay, so alone I must walk down this destructive way