I Can't Hold This Weight Anymore.
I always have to be perfect. I can't even watch a simple TV show with my family without it
turning into a lecture about my grades. I always have to look my best to impress everyone.
I only have half the friends I do because I try so hard to be funny. I suck at sports; no matter
how much I pour my heart out into them; or simply how much I love them. I feel guilty every time
I eat, like something in my head is yelling at me, telling me to go to the trash can and spit it out.
I’m so insecure it’s not even funny. when I try to go to bed, I lay there for hours thinking of all
the things I need to do, the things I need to be better at, how I need to impress everyone, how
I need to look and act and how happy and bubbly I’m going to act the next day. I like, maybe
even love this one guy, but we have gone through so much - he’s cheated on me with my best
friend. And told me he loved me and then dated someone else. He says he has all these feelings
for me; but I can’t even tell if their true. When he says all these sweet things, I just reply with a
smiley face or tell him the same. But, truly I’m afraid to get attached to him again because of
what he did. oh yeah, and that best friend he cheated on me with, I haven’t talked to her since,
I cry every time I think of the good memories we have and all the things she knows about me
that everyone else doesn't. I 'm not the happy-go-lucky girl you think I am...she left a while ago.
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