commenty

commenty
posted a quote
May 23, 2009 7:14pm UTC

Do you ever feel curious about how people see you?
yeahh..kindaa
Listen. What do you hear around you?
musickk...mostly soft rock drumming&guitar
Is there a book you absolutely have to read again?
harry potter
If you were painting and you could only use three colors, what would they be?
purplee green bluee.
You can only push one person off of a cliff and not get caught. Who is it?
hmm..thts a hardd one. :]
How many times in any given day do you laugh?
sometimes
Where do you keep school stuff in the summer?
under bed or nxt 2 book shelf
Tilt your head to the right and close your eyes. What are you thinking of?
why the hell am i doinqq this?
What do you call the little plastic things at the end of your shoelace?
i k! an aglet (suite life of zack&cody)
Ever spotted a cloud in some wierd shape?
ahha.! yeahh

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commenty
posted a quote
May 17, 2009 6:13pm UTC

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then proceeded to ask, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

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posted a quote
May 17, 2009 6:12pm UTC

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commenty
posted a quote
May 17, 2009 6:11pm UTC

Return the Dog
Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were
eager to try it out for themselves. They had read that a
birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so
they decided to go to the pet shop and buy one. They
asked for a well-trained birddog, and got one. The two
blondes immediately went to the woods to try it out. The
dog didn't work. No matter how hard they tried, it just
didn't follow their commands. They became really
frustrated and one of the blondes said to her companion,
“Okay, we'll give him one more try. We'll throw him in
the air one more time and if he doesn't fly, we're taking
him back to the store!”

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commenty
posted a quote
May 17, 2009 6:08pm UTC

Jack Schitt
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response
when someone says; "You don't know Jack Schitt."
Now you can intellectually handle the situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt,
the owner of the Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
They produced four children named
Dip Schitt, Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, and Giva Schitt.
However, after being married 15 years,
Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and since her kids
were living with her she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt and
they produced a son of nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of Noe's four children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt
were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently
married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper
announced the Schitt- Happens wedding.
The Schitt-Happens had four children
named Dawg, Byrd, Hoarse, and Bull.
Bull left home to tour the world
and returned with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So, now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt",
you can correct them.
This family history was recorded by Crock O. Schitt.

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commenty
posted a quote
May 16, 2009 9:37pm UTC

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

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commenty
posted a quote
May 16, 2009 8:56pm UTC

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

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commenty
posted a quote
May 16, 2009 8:55pm UTC

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posted a quote
May 16, 2009 8:53pm UTC

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commenty
posted a quote
May 10, 2009 6:24pm UTC

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway
-but the Hershey Man will know! YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..
If you haven't, add 1758.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
chocolate Calculator.
som1 else came up with it needed somewhere to put it

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commenty
posted a quote
May 6, 2009 5:34pm UTC

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commenty
posted a quote
May 6, 2009 5:28pm UTC

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
courtesy of fmylife.com

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commenty
posted a quote
May 5, 2009 8:38pm UTC

Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

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commenty
posted a quote
May 5, 2009 8:35pm UTC

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commenty
posted a quote
May 5, 2009 7:47pm UTC

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had payed the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

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commenty
posted a quote
May 5, 2009 7:41pm UTC

Today I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver, they drank too much and on the way home hooked up in the back seat. FML

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commenty
posted a quote
April 12, 2009 6:51pm UTC

Today, I parked my car on the side of a street downtown right where I recently had my car broken into through the window. I covered my window and put a sign up saying,"Please do not break in. No valuables." I came back to another window being busted in and a sign that said "Just checking :)". FML

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commenty
posted a quote
April 12, 2009 1:42pm UTC

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posted a quote
April 12, 2009 1:39pm UTC

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commenty
posted a quote
April 10, 2009 4:46pm UTC

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML
no these don't really happen to me.

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