Witty Profiles

austin72004

1. austin72004
   posted a quote
   May 10, 2012 7:21pm UTC
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   Help! We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
2. austin72004
   posted a quote
   May 10, 2012 7:15pm UTC
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   God must love stupid people; He made so many.
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   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
3. austin72004
   posted a quote
   May 10, 2012 7:07pm UTC
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   Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
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   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points
4. austin72004
   posted a quote
   April 22, 2012 8:35pm UTC
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   Son: Dad, you would't punish me for something I didn't do, right?
   Dad: Of Course NOT!
   Son: Good, I didn't do my homework.
   Dad: Son, remember I'm spanking you because I Love You.
   Son: I sure wish I was big enough to return your love.
   ---------------------------------
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
5. austin72004
   posted a quote
   April 22, 2012 8:31pm UTC
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   A poor country pastor was angry when he confronted his wife with the receipt he found for a $250 dress she had bought.'' How could you do this!'' he exclamed.
   ''I don't know,'' she wailed, ''I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the devil was whispering to me, 'Wow, You look GREAT in that dress! You should buy it.
   "Well,'' the husband persisted, "you know how to deal with that tempter. Just tellhim, 'GET BEHIND ME, Satan!"
   "I did," replied his wife, '' but then he said,
   "It Looks Great From Back There, Too!"
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
6. austin72004
   posted a quote
   April 18, 2012 3:07pm UTC
   A computer once beat me
   at chess,
   but it was no match for me
   at kick boxing.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
7. austin72004
   posted a quote
   April 18, 2012 3:03pm UTC
   Everyone has photographic
   memory ::;mj yfc::::
   some just don't have the film.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
8. austin72004
   posted a quote
   April 18, 2012 2:58pm UTC
   What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
   You make me feel good, You make me feel safe'Hold my purse.'
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 15 points
9. austin72004
   posted a quote
   April 18, 2012 2:55pm UTC
   When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action.
   They rented out my room.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 7 points
10. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2012 10:18am UTC
    Energizer Bunny arrested,
    charged with battery.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
11. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2012 10:15am UTC
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    After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.
    He said, "No hablo ingles."
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    👍 this is good · read the comments · 54 points
12. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2012 10:11am UTC
    If you die in an elevator,
    be sure to push the Up button.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 13 points
13. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2012 10:08am UTC
    Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself,
    where the heck is the ceiling.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 23 points
14. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2012 10:05am UTC
    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
    It's just that yours is stupid.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 16 points
15. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 10, 2012 8:13pm UTC
    God took a bone from Adam to make Eve,
    IHe didn't take a bone from his feet so man could step on by women.
    He didn't take a bone from his head so women could control man.
    He took a bone from his side so Women and Men could be equals.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
16. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 10, 2012 8:06pm UTC
    God gave us 2 arms, 2 legs, 2
    eyes but one heart. He did
    that so we could we could
    find the other in someone else.
    Format by Sandrasaurus/not my quote
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points
17. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2012 1:48pm UTC
    I Want
    1,000,000 faves
    Aganst
    Cancer!
    BTW I put this on funny so more people whould see it.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points
18. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2012 1:17pm UTC
    I Learned The Hard Way #3
    Never burst in to song at High School. They WON'T Sing-Along.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 11 points
19. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2012 1:10pm UTC
    I Learned The Hard Way #2
    If you see a burgler in your house, NEVER say," Burgler, No Swiping!!" You WILL get shot.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 18 points
20. austin72004
    posted a quote
    April 4, 2012 1:03pm UTC
    I Learned The Hard Way #1
    Throwing burned bread at a girl will NOT make her love you.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 15 points

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