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Status: I feel worthless.

Member Since: 25 Sep 2012 01:15pm

Last Seen: 30 Oct 2012 12:00pm

Birthday: November 13

Location: Connecticut

Gender: F

user id: 332056

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My name's adele and i'm 15.
Twitter: @therealthingx3

  1. adelehallx adelehallx
    posted a quote
    October 30, 2012 11:55am UTC
    click to see this quote

  2. adelehallx adelehallx
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2012 9:46pm UTC
    i cut to feel something.

  3. adelehallx adelehallx
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2012 9:24pm UTC
    *venting quote; my story.
    hi, my name is adele.
    &+ this is my story being told to the world for the first time. i am fifteen years old and my birthday is on november thirteenth. i have blue eyes and blonde hair to go along with my light skin color. like almost all of you guys, i have many secrets that i am ashamed of. i am going through the process of a bad depression and i am suicidal. in the past year, i have attempted suicide fourteen times. obviously i have not succeeded, even though i would really like to. i know it's not okay to talk like this, but sometimes it's really hard not to. on january eleventh, i finally decided enough was enough. i told my mom, with tears in my eyes and fear in my heart, that i was being molested by my grandfather on a daily basis in our own home. she was disgusted and so angry, but not with me; at him. she couldn't believe should could let that happen to me, but it wasn't her fault. she didn't know it was going on, other wise she would have helped sooner. within that week, my mom had contacted the police and a restraining order was being placed on him, so he would be kicked out of my house. he broke the restaining oder twice, but claimed he did not know that he was breaking it. my grandmother decided she was going to take his side, and she left us as well. everything in my house was so stressful, and it there was nothing anyone could do to make eachother feel okay. with everything going on, i didn't think it was possible for things to get any worse. of course with that being said, life decided to chanllenge me. while on facebook, on fanuary twenty-seventh, i was cyber-bullied. the comments went on and on, and they consisted of telling me to kill myself and name calling. i honestly wanted to die. i was made fun of at school for weeks and my social life went to a complete zero. it got so bad, that this year, i transferred to a new school where i knew absolutely no one. on may twenty-thrid, my life took another spin for the worst. that was my first suicide attempt that i was almost sucessful at. i overdosed on more than thirty pills and was rushed to the emergency room. i went unconsious and my stomach needed to be pumped. i spent a few days there, then i was transferred to a mental institution where i spent another few weeks. i was terrified and i hated it there. once i finally got out of there, i had to attend a five month out-patient therapy session for three hours a day. i would be picked up at two and it would go til five. at the end of the summer, i finally didn't have to go anymore. i was so happy that i finally started feeling stable again. i didn't cut as much anymore and i didn't think about death nearly as much. but as time went on, i started to go down hill again. my feelings started to go numb, and my mind was fading back into suicidal thoughts. i knew i was never going to get better unless my whole story was told. so, i finally told my mom the complete truth about everything that i have gone through. my molestation went on well before i was a teenager. in fact, i don't remember a time in my childhood where i wasn't being abused. my mom has taken even further actions to put him behind bars. unfortunatly, our justice sysetem in the united states sucks. my mom has taken the stance where she set a goal to change the laws. everyone who is above the age of eighteen will need to be a manditory reporter of sexual abuse, because my grandmother knew he was molesting me, but chose to do nothing. not to mention that my mom and both of my aunts went through sexual abuse by my grandfather when they were younger and she did nothing about it back then either. and also, my mom wants to change the statue of limitations. thirty years ago she was molested by this man, but they can't do anything about it because it's 'too late' apparently. and i apologize for my mouth, but that's fu**ed up. my mom is my best friend, my hero, and she's the woman i want to be. i love her with my whole heart and soul. sadly, i don't even know if i'll make it to my adult life if i continue down the path i am. i feel ugly, disgusting, gross, useless, helpless, and every other disturbing word under the sun.
    thank you so much for letting me just put this into words for the first time.
    god bless. xx


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