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XOhugsandkissesXO

1. XOhugsandkissesXO
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   August 9, 2011 7:17pm UTC
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2. XOhugsandkissesXO
   posted a quote
   August 5, 2011 3:12pm UTC
   Summer Suicide
   May 29th; Part Six.
   Have you ever done something, even though you knew in the back of your mind it was a terrible idea, just to feel the danger of doing it? Like your risking so much, just to feel some sort of thrill or excitement?
   I thought about this as I brushed my hair. It was extremely hot today, so I was wearing my only black sundress. I hated wearing it, but it kept me cooled off in this smothering weather. I took a deep breath, and ran downstairs to see my grandparents eating lunch.
   "You look very pretty Alexis." Grandmother smiled sweetly.
   "Lexi." I repeated my name almost five times a day. "But thanks. I'm going out for a little bit. I'll be home by six."
   "Where are you headed off to?" Grandpa asked, looking up from his soup.
   "I don't know, whats up with the interrogation?" I hated when people asked me about my personal life.
   "Well we are your guardians right now." He said back.
   "Well, I'm just going to go to town. But I'm walking, so the bike is in the garage. Goodbye."
   "Have fun dear." Grandma waved pleasantly and grandpa went back to his soup.
   I always wondered why he never seemed happy to talk to me. But shook the thought as I saw the truck pull up to the side walk. I got in quickly and saw his bright white teeth, smiling at me. "Hey you." He said as I buckled up.
   "Hello." I said, not smiling back. I acted calm, even though for some reason, I had these huge knots in my stomach.
   "You look nice."
   "Just drive." i replied.
   He sped off, taking me somewhere I'd never been. "So your grandparents didn't care?"
   "Well even if they did, I'd do what I want. They aren't really the boss off me. I do what I want."
   He shook his head.
   "What!" I questioned.
   "That's not the way to live."
   I said nothing.
   "I'm just saying, life is short. You don't want to be unhappy for all of it. You'll never get these days back."
   And again I said nothing. Who was this guy? He had no right to teach me life lessons. So i sat in silence. I didn't know where we were, but somehow we ended up by a creek and it had a waterfall. It was gorgeous. I'd never seen anything like it. The water was so blue and pure.
   "What is this?" I asked.
   "The spring." he laughed. "Come on, lets go put our feet in it."
   I followed, and sat down next to him. The water was like ice. I'd never felt anything like it before. It was so cold it made my feet go numb. And I loved the feeling of being numb.
   "Wow. This is awesome." I said, closing my eyes.
   "That's the first positive thing I think I have ever heard you say." He laughed. "By the way, I'm Ozzy Never really introduced myself."
   "You didn't have to tell me." I replied. "I like the feeling of knowing I'm with a stranger. It's dangerous."
   I could feel him staring at me. "What?" I said, opening my eyes.
   "What's your name Streak?" He asked sweetly.
   "It's Lexi. My names Lexi."
   "Well Lexi, I'm going to make this summer, your most memorable." Ozzy declared, as he stood up.
   I laughed sarcastically. "Oh really? And how you gonna do that?"
   "It'll be full of surpsises. Like this one!" And with one leap, he was in the spring, covering me in the coldest water I've ever felt.
   
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3. XOhugsandkissesXO
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   August 3, 2011 2:44pm UTC
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4. XOhugsandkissesXO
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   July 31, 2011 7:01pm UTC
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5. XOhugsandkissesXO
   posted a quote
   July 31, 2011 3:39pm UTC
   Summer Suicide
   May 27th; Part Three.
   Have you ever felt like the silence was suffocating you? As if, the sound of nothing, is just eating you away slowly? The awkwardness and the time to actually let yourself think is just to awful to bare?
   That's how dinner was tonight. Grandma tried to get me talk, but I wasn't in the mood.
   "I saw you talking to that boy on the beach." Grandma winked.
   I stared at her intensely. "Hell no."
   "Language." Grandpa interrupted.
   Grandma took another bite of her steak.
   I didn't eat meat, so i sat there, ready to get up. "Can I go to bed now?"
   "You haven't even touched your plate." Grandma said, eyeing my every move.
   "I'm not hungry."
   "Fine, goodnight sweetheart."
   I walked to my new room and collapsed on my bed. I hated it here. I hated the positive energy, the sand, the food, and most of all the people.
   That guy had no reason to be such a jerk. But I guess I was mean to him too. I sat quietly, wondering what his name was, as i gently rubbed my fingers over my wrist.
   I loved the feel of my scars. They made me feel strong. I had four on my left wrist and three on my right. Right over the main veins. I always asked myself how I could've got away with it. If maybe I would've done it a different way, or at a different time, or a different place, then maybe, just maybe, I'd be with my dad right now.
   The worst part about it all was seeing my mothers face when she saw me in my bathtub, full of blood, and eyes half open. I barely made it. It was torture and I was in so much pain. I just wanted to be dead. But for some reason, I just wouldn't go.
   So, that's why I'm laying in a bed at my grandparents. My mother thinks it will make me better.
   But it won't. The bad thoughts just keep creeping into my head like a nightmare. And it never goes away.
   
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6. XOhugsandkissesXO
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   July 30, 2011 4:52pm UTC
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7. XOhugsandkissesXO
   posted a quote
   July 30, 2011 2:02pm UTC
   Summer Suicide
   May 27th; Part One.
   Have you ever had that one fly, the one that is possibly the loudest fly ever, and that just seems to be attracted to you, buzzing in your ear? And no matter how many times you swat, curse, yell, it just doesn't go away? Well that's how I'm feeling right now.
   "Do you understand me, Alexis?"
   I have one ear phone in and the music is as loud as it goes. I'm listening to Slipknot and tapping my fingers on my jeans to the beat. My feet are on the dash board and I'm reclined as far back as the front seat of the car will let me.
   "Alexis, I will not ask you again."
   "Okay mom!" I screamed, sick of hearing her voice in my ear. "Can you just.. leave me alone now?"
   My mother rolled her eyes, and didn't say another word.
   I finally dozed off and was rudely awoken by my mothers car door slamming shut. I saw her going to the trunk to grab my suitcases. I straightened myself up, and got out of the car. And my heart dropped.
   Why was I here? Standing on a beach, staring at this huge house, with three suitcases sitting by my side. My grandparents came out excitedly, they hugged mother and I tightly.
   "I'm so glad you could make it!" Grandma Elle yelled, grasping me tightly. I stood there stifly, suffocating from her old woman perfume.
   "Me too." Grandpa Jim smiled, not moving though. Acting as if, he was afraid of me.
   "Now Alexis, please be good for-" My mother begin.
   "I will." I said stifly.
   Grandma and grandpa left with all three suitcases, leaving me alone with my mother. "I'm sorry i'm doing this to you, but you need this."
   "The only thing I need, is for you to leave me alone." I stared her down with my brown eyes.
   She smiled sadly, "Bye babygirl. I love you." She kissed me on the cheek and I watched her leave.
   I found my way to the house, unsure of where I was. My black hair was in a ponytail, and my dark makeup was smeared from being in the car. But I really didn't care what I looked like to anyone. I only wore black and had a dark blue streak in my hair. I had 14 peircings and one tattoo on my lower back. I was only 17, so yes, i got it done illegally and mother still didn't know about it.
   "Here's your room Alexis." Grandma smiled, opening the door to a large room, with a huge window, right by the beach. The room was yellow and bright. Two things I hated.
   "It's Lexi. I go by Lexi." I said staring at my new room.
   "Well, make yourself at home. Dinner is at six. Maybe you could go walk around on the beach until then. And i baked cookies just for your arrival!" She bursted in her bubblly voice. Grandma Elle was the kind of woman who would be happy 24/7, like the perfect grandmother.
   I watched her leave and went straight to the window. I stared silently outside. Watching all the kids playing frisbee, the volleyball team practicing, and the perfect couple holding hands. I wondered what they were thinking. Even though love wasn't real, it was fun to imagine.
   
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8. XOhugsandkissesXO
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   July 29, 2011 4:51pm UTC
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9. XOhugsandkissesXO
   posted a quote
   July 21, 2011 11:16pm UTC
   Say Hello, To Goodbye
   Epilogue
   Nick didnt make the same mistake twice. Right when he discovered she had amnesia, he knew what he had to do. Every night he stayed by her side, telling her about there love and life. Everything they had been through.
   He told her about the accident and about drinking. Nick had finally learned his lesson. He loved Mia and he had to be honest to her. She was hesitant through all of it, but she seemed to understand.
   She didn't love Nick. He knew this. But he also knew he was going to do everything to get her to fall in love with him all over again. It was like starting all over. It was going to be a long hard journey, but he never was leaving her. And although Nick was crushed that she didn't remember him, she remembered her sisters. And he was thankful for that. It's just like there whole summer together, was erased.
   Nick always thought it was Adam's way of giving him another chance to make his life the best. He knew it was hard now, but in the long run, it was going to be okay. He lived back in his apartment, and visited Mia every day after work. Slowly, but surely, she was getting better. Pieces of her memory would come back, even though the doctor said it might never come back.
   Nick didn't mind. He would treasure their memories forever. He loved her. Through everything they had been through, when he looked at her, he knew she was the one. So for now, he would keep the little black box sitting on his kitchen table with the note she wrote him underneath. And every day, he would read the letter to take him back to those days when she loved him back, then open it, look at this beautiful diamond ring, and whisper to himself, "One day."
   The end.
   
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10. XOhugsandkissesXO
    posted a quote
    July 21, 2011 2:48am UTC
    Say Hello, To Goodbye
    Chapter Twenty Five
    Through Thick and Thin
    "So I talked to the doctor and he said your really healthy and all your cuts and bruises are gone now. You look so beautiful." Nick said, pulling back Mia's hair and tucking it behind her ears. He had just brushed her hair for her.
    He stared at her, waiting for a reply, but nothing came. She wasn't waking up. But he couldn't give up hope. After everything he had been through, he knew anything is possible. So he kept talking, "Come on Mia. I miss you." He grabbed her hand and held it tightly. The doctor said he didn't think it was possible, but Nick could swear she would squeeze his hand.
    It had been two months. Mia had been living through this machine for two months. So it was already September and the girls had started school. Nick couldn't support everything, so Nick had moved into Mia's house for now. His mother was taking care of things at his apartment.
    He worked every day but Mondays and even got promoted. So he was able to buy all their school supplies, with only a little help from his mother. Nick picked them up from school everyday but Mondays. His mother picked them up then. Because every Monday, he sat by Mia's side and never left. He held her hand and treated Mia like she was still the old her. Just like Mila had said.
    Nick loved her more than anything. And every dollar spent, every second sitting by her side, and everything he would do for the girls would be worth it just to see her smile again. He always said she had a breathtaking smile.
    Every night since he had forgave himself for everything, he didn't dream of the wreck. He dreamed of this amazing girl that was hooked up to all these wires. He wanted her to be okay, not only for him, but for the two little girls that depended on her. She was beautiful in every way and so smart, she had a great life ahead of her.
    Mia was selfless. She challenged Nick in every way and he liked that. He liked how different she was and how she could read him like a book. How her laugh was just somehow contagious. Nick had never felt anything for a girl as much as he felt for Mia. Each and every day he saw her hooked up to those wires, he prayed even more. Because Nick knew, he had to marry this girl.
    So as the weeks and days passed by, he never gave up hope. The part of her letter that inspired him the most was the end. He had to remember what she said. He had to come find her again.
    It was a cold, rainy October Sunday. Mila and May sat on her bed, showing her the things they had made at school and learned at school. Nick sat in the background, watching them talk to their sister. Finally, they had complained about being hungry. So Nick grabbed some dollars from his pocket and sent them to the cafeteria.
    When they left, he moved to his usual spot, right by her side. He kissed her on the cheek and grabbed her hand. She was still very pale, but she looked better than she did before.
    "Babygirl, please wake up for me. I love you so much." he stared at her closed eyes. And then, in the briefest moment, they fluttered open.
    Nicks mouth dropped and he wasn't sure what to do. His heart was racing fast. Seeing her green eyes he had missed so much meant everything to him. He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Mia! You woke up!"
    She only stared at him blankly. Then she looked around the room. She gently pulled her hand away from his and sat up a little.
    Nick froze. "Are you okay?"
    She nodded her head.
    Finally Nick called the doctor and Mia still said nothing. When the doctor had left, he had asked to speak alone with Nick, but he couldn't leave Mia's side. So he sat there, just waiting for her to say anything.
    And finally, she smiled at him. The exact same smile she had when he first met her at that graveyard. He knew he was going to propose to her as soon as she was back home. He was going to buy her the best ring and give her the life of her dreams. But when she opened her mouth, to say those words he had heard once more, his heart dropped.
    "I dont know you," She spoke softly, "But i love your eyes."
    
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11. XOhugsandkissesXO
    posted a quote
    July 20, 2011 1:50am UTC
    Say Hello, To Goodbye
    Chapter Twenty Four
    Confessing.
    "And that's the honest truth." Nick said. His heart was beating fast and his palms were sweaty. He watched the couple sitting there, blankly, but still holding hands. He gave them time to let it sink in.
    Nick glanced around the huge living room he was sitting in. He looked out the bay window and saw the sunlight pouring through the window. He looked up the spiral staircase, wondering what Mila and May were doing. Then he tensed up when he saw Mr. Ledger open his mouth.
    "Do you remember that one morning, when you both were ten, and I made you chocolate chip pancakes and Adam decided to dump all the chocholate in there-"
    "And they ended up tasting like Chocolate cakes with pancake chips." Nick finished with a sad smile.
    "Exactly. It was that moment, when all three of us sat down at that table, that i realized you and him were going to be best friends forever. Those friends dont always come around. And it kills me that he left the way he did, but he did it with his best friend. And I know he wouldn't of wanted to go any other way."
    "I killed him." Nick whispered.
    "Nick, you didn't. He chose to get in the car. He was almost an adult, he should've known better."
    "We have always known." Adam's mother said quietly. "We always knew you had been driving. Don't ask how or why, but we've known. Megan would never say, but I know she knew too. We just were waiting for you to finally tell the truth."
    Nick looked at them blankly. "I'm sorry for all the damaged I've caused."
    They both smiled at him. Adam's father spoke genuinely, "Adam is in a better place. We miss our baby boy more than anything in this world, but we've accepted everything happens for a reason just like everything has a purpose. And Adam served his purpose."
    "He's never coming back but in some way," His mother added, "I can just feel that he's happy. And it's time for your to be happy as well. We don't blame you."
    Nick stood up and sighed, "Mr. and Mrs. Ledger, I can promise you one thing. He's always looking over you guys." And with those last words, he breathed in and knew what he had to do next.
    He drove to the hospital and had the girls strapped in beside him. They were both sleeping and snoring. He picked up his phone and dialed the one number he was so happy to call. He missed her warm voice and compassion.
    "Hello?"
    "Mom?" Nick asked.
    "Yes Nicholas. It's mom." She was in her normal chipped tone.
    "I'm an alocholic." He said bluntly. And for the whole car ride, he told her everything. Every feeling and every detail about the wreck. He explained how alcohol made him feel and when Mia came, how she made things better. He told her about Mia's accident and how he was completely lost without her.
    His mother listened quietly, not complaining and just listening. And that's exactly what Nick needed. She promised him that she was coming back and that she was going to get him help.
    When Nick hung up the phone and pulled into the hospital, he took a breath and stared at the big building. Remembering the last time he had been here. At the wreck. He sat back and for the first time, prayed.
    After talking to God, he woke the girls up, grabbed the big black suitcase, and took them to the room. Mila was skipping the whole way there. He wished he could be her age again. With not a care in the world and not understanding what really was going on. But he knew it was time for him to grow up. And in just one day, he finally felt like a man.
    
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12. XOhugsandkissesXO
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    July 18, 2011 9:17pm UTC
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13. XOhugsandkissesXO
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14. XOhugsandkissesXO
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    July 17, 2011 1:41pm UTC
    Say Hello, To Goodbye
    Chapter Twenty One
    The Accident.
    Everything happens for a reason. Even if you don't want it to happen. And Nick had to realize it. Because when he got the call that night, he felt like the world caved in on him all over again.
    He drove quickly to the hospital, praying the whole time. He ran inside the hospital, not thinking about anything. His heart beating fast and his stomach in knots. He went to the emergency room and saw them crying.
    His eyes filled with tears. He walked over there and knelt down. "Are you okay?" he whispered.
    Both little girls looked at him half-heartedly and shook there heads no. He picked them both up and held them as they cried. When finally the doctor came out.
    "Is this the family of Mia?" He was korean and looked very intelligent.
    "Yes." Nick said sternly. None of Mia's really family was going to be here, but he knew he should be. He let the girls down and watched them run to the play room.
    "I'm Dr. Chin."
    "Nick." He replied.
    "Well, from the police report, Mia was traveling the speed limit on highway 17 to get to her home, when a dump truck was traveling at a speed above the speed limit crossed the yellow line, hitting her head on. Her car was totalled. It looked absolutely awful, but somehow she is not dead."
    Nick sighed in relief. "Is she going to make it?"
    "Follow me." Doctor Chin said.
    They walked down the hall to a room with a glass window. They both looked in. She was hooked up to tons of wires, so could barely recognize her. "A part of her brain was punctured do to the hard hit. And she is in a coma. There is no telling when she will wake up or if she ever will. And we don't know if she wakes up, if she will even remember anything. She could be a totally different person. All i'm saying is, with this situation, i don't want to get your hopes up that everything will go back to how it was."
    Nick only nodded.
    "Tomorrow you will be able to visit any time you want. We have her in a stable condition. So you can stay or come back tomorrow."
    Nick nodded once more. "Is the other guy okay?"
    "Not one scratch." Replied the doctor. "I'm sorry Nick." Then he turned to his next family and walked towards them.
    Nick stared into the room. Blankly. If only he wouldn't have told her to leave.
    
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15. XOhugsandkissesXO
    posted a quote
    July 16, 2011 11:36pm UTC
    Say Hello, To Goodbye
    Chapter Twenty
    Not Ready.
    "Megan had known I was driving. She knew I was completely wasted. She stared at me, tears in her eyes, but not spilling over yet. Then the ambulence came, took both of us away. I was completely numb and had sobered up completely. I sat in the back of the first ambulence, praying to God that Adam could pull through this.
    You have no idea how it feels... Seeing your best friend since kindergarten, laying on the ground in blood, with every bone broken, and completely hopeless." Nick took a deep breath.
    Mia tried to speak, but nothing came out.
    "They brought him back to life, but after three days, his organs shut down and his family pulled the cord. I made it out fine. Just a broken arm and nose. And the had to staple my head up, but nothing too bad. After Adam passed away, the police came to investigate. They knew we were both drinking, but didn't know who was driving.
    The first person they asked was Megan. And she knew I was, but... she lied. She told them Adam was. She knew if she told them the truth, I would still be in jail today. They never asked me about it at first, just believed Megan. But her parents were so... hurt that they held the investigation longer. And then they closed it." Nick looked at Mia who had tears in her eyes.
    "I'm glad your not in jail..." She said softly.
    "Well I 'm not. I deserve to be there or dead. I really deserve to be dead. Every day after the accident, I saw his face. His eyes open wide and the blood everywhere. I killed a man Mia. I killed my best friend. I killed someone and I can never, never bring them back. Because of me a family is scarred for life and because of me... A man is in heaven."
    She got up and wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay. You know it was a mistake and you are going to be fine. Adam forgives you. He's in a better place."
    "You don't know if he forgives me." He finally began crying. A grown man, in a baseball cut off t-shirt, and baggy shorts began crying tears he had held in for a year. "I saw his family mourn at that closed caskit funeral and knew the whole time I should've been there. I should've been in the caskit watching over Adam. He was the best guy in the world and now he's dead because of me. You don't know how bad it haunts me. I've tried killing myself before Mia!"
    "You can't do that! I need you! You can't leave me like this. I absolutely love you." She pleaded.
    He looked her straight in her green eyes and smiled a sad smile. "The investigation is back on. You can't let me in your life and in your sisters lives. If they find evidence, it'd hurt you and them too bad. You have to understand that I just... can't put you through that."
    She took a deep breath. "I love you okay? I'm going to help you get better. And I'm not leaving."
    "Please believe me when I say I love you too. With all my heart and more than anything. But I'm never going to get better. Never. For the rest of my life I will be a murderer. You deserve some amazing guy, not me. I am a cold blooded murderer or is the reason a innocent man is dead. So we can't be together." He stood up from his couch.
    She looked at him questionably, standing up with him as well. "Babe-"
    He cut her off. "I'm sorry. I'm not good enough for you. Please.. leave." He said sadly.
    She gulped, tears rolling from her face.
    He walked her to the door and said one last time, "I will always love you Mia." Then shut the door and opened a can of beer. Adam's face imprinted in his mind.
    
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16. XOhugsandkissesXO
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    July 16, 2011 2:00pm UTC
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17. XOhugsandkissesXO
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    July 16, 2011 12:50am UTC
    Say Hello, To Goodbye
    Chapter Eighteen
    Saved.
    Mia glanced at the clock for the fifteenth time. It was still only 12:30. Mike's closed at 1:00 a.m. Only thirty more minutes, she told herself. While no one was looking, she checked her phone.
    No messages, no missed calls, no anything.
    She couldn't expect anything though. It had been two and a half weeks. He had tried for two and a half weeks and she never replied. So he finally gave up. She was a little disappointed. She put her phone away and began wiping of tables.
    In the corner of her eye sat a strange woman, dressed in all black, watching her. Mia was a little nervous. She finally went over there to talk to her.
    "May I help you?" She asked.
    The girl stared at her. "Uh.. Is your name Mia?"
    "Yes. Do I know you?"
    "No." the girl answered quickly. "I just know of you. Well.. I just wanted to tell you something."
    Mia was confused, "Okay?"
    "Dont give up on Nick." '
    "Excuse me?"
    The lady took a deep breathe for going on. "Okay, so Nick, he's an amazing guy. And he loves you with all his heart. You have to understand that he's been through hell and back. Then you came around, and changed everything for him. He was finally back to being his old self."
    "Wait... Hell and back?" Mia questioned.
    "Something happened to him. Something he wanted to tell you so bad, but it hurt him to talk about it. I think once he lets it out, he can finally heal. All I know is, he drinks because of what happened. He never meant to hurt you. But don't give up on him please. Your everything to him."
    Mia took a second to think about what she had just said. "What happened to him?"
    "He's the one who has to tell you that. Go see him. He needs you Mia. You have no idea how much you saved him from... himself." Then the lady stood up, laid down some dollars for a tip and walked away.
    Mia just stared off into space. She turned around to ask her one more thing, but she was gone. Mia took a deep breathe and picked up her phone.
    
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18. XOhugsandkissesXO
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    July 16, 2011 12:35am UTC
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19. XOhugsandkissesXO
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