WHAT IF I DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOU?
Hiii. Before you stop reading this, if you even started, just think about this for a minute. There are hundreds of Witty accounts. Someway, somehow, you found mine. Maybe you found it for a reason. Maybe God sent you here.
Okay. Well, my name's Callie. I'm 13 years old. I live in Pennsylvania. 7th grade. This is my confessions account. I'm not exactly mentally stable. Sometimes, I cry for no reason. Sometimes, I scream on the top of my lungs randomly. Sometimes, I just feel like me dying, would be better for everyone.
The abuse started when I was 10. After my mom lost her mother, she became violent. She took all of her built up anger out on her innocent little girl. I didn't know what was going on most of the time. I didn't know why mommy and daddy were always fighting. When my mom left us, I didn't know what to do. I cried for days. I thought she commited suicide. I already knew that she cut herself. After about 5 days, she came back. Not because she wanted to. Because she didn't have anywhere else to go. If I was bad, the first thing she would do was threaten to take her own life. I tried to be perfect, so I wouldn't be the reason my mom died. Do you know how hard that was for me? I was only 10 years old. Eventually, things with my mom got better. She hasn't hit me in months. Honestly, I feel like she's the nice parent now. Let me introduce you to my dad.
I hate him. I HATE HIM. He expects me to be perfect. I'm not. If I mess something up, even on accident, he hits me. He does it all the time. He always tells me that it's not abuse because he isn't doing it as hard as he could. I always tell him that it still feels like it. He doesn't care. When other people are around, he's a completely different person. My friends all seem to like them. They always yell at me when I get smart with him over stupid things. They'll never understand. He doesn't understand me, he never will. I'm 13 years old, he treats me like I'm 8. At least he stopped drinking. Things were way worse then. He's pulled my hair out, punched me, slapped me, kicked me, threw me down the steps, pushed me to the ground, pushed me into walls, and more than you could imagine. It seems like he's never home anymore, and I like it that way. I love it when he leaves. I feel safe. He will never understand the emotional toll he takes on me.
I have trust issues. I feel alone. I will never be the same little girl I used to be. More people than just my parents make me feel this way. Thanks friends.
I started starving myself again, something I tried so hard to stop. I'm not happy with how I look. I weigh myself twice a day, expecting the number to drop. When it doesn't, I feel like such a failure. I stare at the mirror and cry. I hate having to decide whether I wanted to eat that day or not. I miss the days when I didn't even know what Anorexia Nervosa was.
My biggest addiction, is cutting. Once I started, I couldn't stop. There was no way out. Even if it's only for a couple minutes, I focus on the physical pain instead of the emotional for once. After I cut, I feel better for a little bit. That's all I want. Is to feel better. It seems like it's so far away though.
That's me. If you want to know more, then read my confessions. Thank you so much.
FUCK LOVE, I'M TIRED OF TRYING.
Dear Nathan,
It's me, Callie. Do you ever think about the old times we shared? Remember when we would hang out, all the time? I do. It's okay if you don't, I understand that you're probably busy with her. Sorry if I'm annoying you, I don't mean to. I miss wearing your phiten. It smelled just like you. Remember when we went to the dance together, and you gave me that stuffed heart that said "I love you" on it? I still have it. It's sitting on my dresser, like it has been since we broke up in June. Yesterday was the 8 month anniversary of the day I started to fall for you. I woke up and cried. It seems like it was so long ago.You don't care, do you? Ya, I didn't think so. I tell people I like Andrew, but we both know that isn't true. It never will be. It scares me to think about what we had, and how different things are now. There's soooo much more I want to say to you right now, but I'm choking up. I love you. Maybe I'll right more later. I'm at a loss for words.
Love,
Callie
THE MEMORIES KILL ME INSIDE.
The confessions I write on here, will be 100% true from start to finish. I like when new people comment on my profile. I love meeting you guys. You are all so beautiful. I'm not expecting to get any top quotes, but it does feel good when I get at least one fave. It makes me feels like someone out there cares. I only have one rule: please don't judge me. I come on Witty to vent and feel better. If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it. Please&ThankYou.
ThisBrokenHeartSpeaks_x3