TheAnaDiaries

TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 31, 2012 11:57pm UTC

size 2,
high heel shoes,
latest dress,
jimmy choo.
white smile,
single file,
cat walk,
flaunt the style.
dressing room,
don't assume,
imperfections,
all too soon.
only 2,
down to puke.
perfect figure,
could be you.
MY QUOTE, DO NOT STEAL.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 10, 2012 7:09pm UTC

It just hurts.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 7, 2012 3:18pm UTC

My parents think that my feelings of being worthless are just passing.
They don't realize that even if they get me to smile for a second, when I'm alone, my heart hurts.
I just don't think I can do this anymore.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 5, 2012 11:11am UTC

People always joke about things like,
"forever alone, I'm always on the computer, my cat is my only friend."
I'm starting to realize where those jokes came from.
For the past 2 months, I have been at home every single day.
For the past 2 months, I have struggled with cutting and an eating disorder by myself.
For the past 2 months, No one has talked to me except for internet strangers and my parents.
I'm starting to realize how unimportant I am.
Not a single person has stuck with me through all of the bullshit.
How alone do you feel now?

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 4, 2012 11:27am UTC

I wonder what it's like to be important.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 4, 2012 11:07am UTC

It's the same old sh/t,
Just a different day.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 3, 2012 12:04pm UTC

I grew up wrong.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 3, 2012 11:24am UTC

It's so hard to not eat. I want food so badly, and it's so conveniently there. I hate this.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
July 2, 2012 4:12am UTC

-a gorgeous girl walks by-
Me: -stares-
Friend: You were totally checking her out!
Friend: Are you a lesbian?
Me:
Me: -thinking- No, I'm just inspecting what I'll never have.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
June 29, 2012 6:19pm UTC

Someone: Wow you got fat
Me:
Someone:
Me:
Someone:
Me: Wow who stabbed that knife in your face

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
June 29, 2012 5:51pm UTC

TV: HEY HERE'S SOME COMMERICALS OF UNHEALTHY FOOD, COME GET SOME!!!
TV: YOU'RE NOW UNHAPPY ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK FROM THAT FOOD, HERES A DIET PILL
TV: THAT DIET PILL DIDN'T WORK? TRY THIS WORK OUT PROGRAM ONLY $700!!!!
TV: WOW GOOD JOB LOSING WEIGHT! HERE HAVE SOME MORE UNHEALTHY FOOD!!!
Me:
Me: -turns off tv-

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
June 28, 2012 1:58pm UTC

I can't look in the mirror anymore,
It's painful to see the truth.
The never fading scars,
The weight I'll never lose.
I can't look in the mirror anymore,
I'm brainwashed by society.
The image is imperfect,
And I'm swallowed by anxiety.
I can't look in the mirror anymore,
The eyes I see are dead.
They stare into my soul,
They send lies into my head.
I can't look in the mirror anymore,
A stranger now awaits.
Someone unrecognizable,
Who glares at me with hate.
I can't look in the mirror anymore,
I fear I'm locked inside.
Trapped behind the image,
From which I cannot hide.
MY QUOTE, DO NOT STEAL.

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
June 28, 2012 1:14am UTC

Small Victories
Weighed myself today, and I lost 5 pounds! I know it's not much, not enough to make any kind of difference, but to me it proves that I'm in control. I'm winning. 5 pounds gone, and if I can keep this up, 5 more, then 5 more. Next thing I know, I'll have reached my goal and I'll be beautiful. I'll be thin and perfect. Right now, I'm seeing a thin sliver of the happiness I'll have when I have my bones. I take this as a victory and can't wait to lose more!

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TheAnaDiaries
posted a quote
June 26, 2012 5:54pm UTC

June 26, 2012.
Today is my Day One. Day One of being thin. Day One of being beautiful. Day One of happiness. Day One of accepting myself. Day One of fitting in. Day One of being anorexic.
Just imagining it makes me smile. Goodbye cellulite, chubby arms, and muffin tops. Hello legs that don't touch in the middle, slender arms, jawline, and flat stomach.
I'm so sick and tired of feeling so...disgusted with myself. I don't even like going out in public anymore because I think people stare at my fat. I can't wait for the day when I'm finally thin, and everyone congratulates me on losing weight. Girls will be jealous and guys will want me.
My parents keep telling me to get a job. And truthfully, I really do want a job. I've had one before, and I love working. But right now, I'm hideous. How can I expect anyone to hire me when my stomach fluffs over the top of my pants and my legs jiggle when I walk? Who would want me working in their restaurant or store?
Plain and simple, beauty sells. And skinny is beautiful. Skinny is flawless. When I'm thin, I'll fit into all of these gorgeous clothes and I won't feel so huge anymore. No more fat hanging on me like a parasite. I'll feel so, free. So light. People will be able to pick me up and swing me around. It makes my heart pound, thinking about how happy I'll be.
People will tell me, it's not something you decide to do. It's a disorder, something you can't control. But that's what anorexia is. My depression, and this anxiety about food and appearance is what's controlling the start of anorexia. I'm just conscious of it happening.

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TheAnaDiaries