SammyStylesSimpson's Favorites

happiest*
posted a quote
December 27, 2013 2:27pm UTC

The few days between Christmas and New Year’s Eve
are so weird they’re like holiday purgatory

👍 this is good · read the comments · 82 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 26, 2013 3:01pm UTC

i hope santa didn’t put coal in too many children’s stockings this year it’s a non-renewable source of energy and we need to think about the future of our planet

👍 this is good · read the comments · 111 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 26, 2013 2:59pm UTC

if i had a dollar for every time someone told me i was pretty i would have exactly one dollar thanks mom

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 82 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 23, 2013 3:09pm UTC

*gets absolutely nothing done* well time for a break

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 111 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 23, 2013 3:12pm UTC

why don’t murderers just hide the bodies in cemeteries

👍 this is good · read the comments · 172 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 24, 2013 2:07pm UTC

what kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
2 Na

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 115 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 24, 2013 2:12pm UTC

my english teacher in 9th grade used to put prompts up for daily 5 minute writing warmups and one day the prompt was just the word “hippo” and i wrote a page long story in 5 minutes about an underground russian mafia that distributed hippo feces because they discovered that it had euphoric properties similar to marijuana it was like the new opium and rich people paid big money for it but it was illegal in every country and my teacher made me read it out loud to the class

👍 this is good · read the comments · 176 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 25, 2013 1:35pm UTC

do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something
so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed

👍 this is good · read the comments · 354 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 23, 2013 3:15pm UTC

me after every conversation: why the fck did i say that

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 169 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 21, 2013 2:13pm UTC

"what are you getting all dressed up for"
"mom i’m taking a selfie"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 117 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 17, 2013 2:23pm UTC

If you don’t get a little gay with your best friends you’re not close enough

👍 this is good · read the comments · 354 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 17, 2013 2:25pm UTC

i may be ugly and annoying but at least i don’t have a selfie of me as my phones background

👍 this is good · read the comments · 231 points

SalemSoto
posted a quote
October 18, 2013 6:30pm UTC

I did it. I put that sweatshirt
in the washer today. I couldn't take
IT ANYMORE. IT SMELLED LIKE YOU.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 62 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 19, 2013 1:05pm UTC

u (◠‿◠✿)
did not (◠‿◠✿)
teach us this (◠‿◠✿)
why is it (◠‿◠✿)
on the test (◠‿◠✿)
BTCH (⊙‿⊙✿)

👍 this is good · read the comments · 229 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 19, 2013 1:07pm UTC

I would literally throw last year’s version of myself down a set of stairs

👍 this is good · read the comments · 192 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 19, 2013 4:22pm UTC

queen elizabeth wasnt allowed to climb stairs by herself growing up so when she became queen she ran up and down the stairs because no one could stop her

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 137 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 19, 2013 4:24pm UTC

When I was 7 I tried to run away from home but I wasnt allowed to cross the street so I just took left turns and I eventually ended up back at home and it was really embarrassing

👍 this is good · read the comments · 155 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 19, 2013 4:26pm UTC

miley literally is a genius she did all of this sh-t at award shows and performances and made people talk about her for months, and her album ends up being #1 and breaking records and now she’s just sitting back at her house laughing about all the money/success she has and going back to taking selfies with her dogs. she’s so smart.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 167 points

happiest*
posted a quote
October 14, 2013 3:05pm UTC

one thing I will never understand is how normal people are unaffected by movies or books I mean when they watch a movie or finish a book they say “well that was a good movie/book” and they move on while I have an existentional crisis and question the whole universe

👍 this is good · read the comments · 210 points

SalemSoto
posted a quote
October 14, 2013 6:33pm UTC

I'm the new kind of girl.
» I'm gonna forget about you
JUST LIKE YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 36 points

Witty Profiles

SammyStylesSimpson