Its been 12 days since he left me.
12 days since I've heard his voice; felt his warm touch; heard his sarcasm; seen those eyes.
12 days of feeling numb; depressed; fake; heart-broken; exhausted; anxious; scared; grief; lost.
12 days since my best friend left me; I could say I was honestly happy.
My daddy passed away on 04/02/11. It was the worst day of my life. He was really really sick for 5 years after being diagnosed with cancer. In the summer time, we were told he had a few weeks, but he fought on. It wasn't until December that he realized just how sick he was, when he was put into a hospice over Christmas. He didn't even get to come home for Christmas. I remember going to see him on Christmas morning and I can honestly say I was so shocked at how my father was. After New Year things started to look up. He was back to himself, but growing very thin and weak. On the second day of February, I went out of town for a school trip. On the first night, I was really sick, I didn't know why because I couldn't eat so it wasn't the food that made me sick. I just knew I had to go home. I was allowed to leave the following morning. My auntie picked me up and me stopped at McDonalds for a bite to eat. When I finally got home I just wanted to go to bed but my mum told me we had to go to my dads house, by this stage I was crying because I had such a sore stomach. I agreed to go. When we got down to his house, it was full with people and I had no idea why. All kinds of thoughts were going through my head. We were told to go upstairs and when we walked into the room I nearly collapsed. He was lieing in bed, staring at the ceiling, his eyes half open. He couldn't talk but he could hear us and he occasionally made little noises. We told him we loved him so much and kissed his head. It was so hard seeing my sisters cry, I was crying too. Then the nurse came up to do something so we had to leave. We went back down stairs and my mum talked to some people while me and my two sisters sat in the living room in a daze. We couldn't believe it. I felt really sick, still and had to run to the bathroom to be sick, my mum followed me and took us home I could go to bed. My mum woke me up at 7:30 the next morning. She told me my daddy had passed away, it was so weird because I already knew somehow but I hadn't been talking to anyone but her. We went to his house and everyone was hugging me and telling me it would be all right and this just made me more upset. When I went upstairs, he looked so peaceful, he was finally at rest. The funeral was awful, I cried the whole way through it. When the coffin was being lowered, that's when it really hit me. My daddy was gone. I was literally sobbing and I felt like I was gonna faint. After the funeral I met some of my friends and cried to them, they reassured me they were always there for me no matter what and I feel blessed to have such great friends. Now 12 days after his passing, things just don't feel real. It's like everything is a dream or a nightmare and I'm just waiting to wake up. I miss my daddy so much but I know he is in a better place now. I love and miss you so much Daddy ♥
RIP Daddy. I love you x
Nicolaa_x