Sometimes you get so used to things, anything else seems weird and anything else is too different, too abnormal to stand it. You're so used to the normalcy of him being there, his hugs, his lips, his smile, his laugh, his eyes. So used to the way you guys thought you were in love, that when he's gone, you dont know how to function. Not because you loved him and you lost that and you're heartbroken, but because you were so used to him, and now that's just gone. Everything's changed and you hate change. Especially this kind of change. And just when you accept he's gone, and just when you accept the change, just when you decide to make yourself happy again, he's not actually gone, He's still there, talkng to you and in the back of your head nagging and nagging until you dont know what to do because you dont know what you want. You want to keep the good times, the good memories, but you dont want them nagging and nagging until youre stomach flips inside out and you don't know. you just don't know.