Witty Profiles

† *

1. † *
   posted a quote
   February 7, 2014 9:12pm UTC
   I don't hate you, it's just that
   If I was a dog and you were a flower, I would lift my leg to give you a shower.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 17 points
2. † *
   posted a quote
   February 6, 2014 8:45pm UTC
   Girl: Ugh, you look so ugly.
   Me: Really? I was just trying to look like you!
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 27 points
3. † *
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2014 8:59pm UTC
   Mom 5 hours ago;
   " We'll only be staying here for 20 minutes, let me just get something quick."
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 22 points
4. † *
   posted a quote
   February 5, 2014 8:50pm UTC
   What happened at school today-
   Student: Valentine's Day is almost here!
   Me: Ughh, there gonna be giving out those flowers and I know I aint getting one.
   Guidance Counselor: A lot of people aren't getting one Mel, maybe to make yourself feel happy you should send the flowers to yourself ya know, put ' secret admirer ' to make it interesting and spicy!
   Me:
   Student:
   Guidance Counselor:
   other classmates:
   Hispanics:
   Italians:
   Russians:
   Germans:
   Animals:
   Rocks:
   Me: I'll do it.
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 67 points
5. † *
   posted a quote
   February 4, 2014 8:53pm UTC
   The 'clear history' button has saved more lives
   than all superheroes ever did.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 33 points
6. † *
   posted a quote
   February 3, 2014 1:09pm UTC
   Every teenager
   has tried to fit their fat a.ss on a baby swing.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 49 points
7. † *
   posted a quote
   February 1, 2014 2:50pm UTC
   It's fine if you don't agree with me.
   I can't force you to be right.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 44 points
8. † *
   posted a quote
   January 30, 2014 9:32pm UTC
   Boys be like;
   I don't love these hoes!
   but still chase after them.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 17 points
9. † *
   posted a quote
   January 30, 2014 8:40pm UTC
   The fastest land mammal is the teenager who sees mom pulling in the driveway and realizes that they forgot to do some chores.
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 74 points
10. † *
    posted a quote
    January 29, 2014 11:37am UTC
    Listens to a new song;
    Ugh this song is so stupid
    10 minutes later;
    THIS IS MY JAM TURN UPPPPP!!!!!
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 33 points
11. † *
    posted a quote
    January 28, 2014 5:01pm UTC
    Either bring the refrigerator to my room
    Or i'm sleeping in the kitchen.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 16 points
12. † *
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2014 8:46pm UTC
    Watching the Grammy's;
    Me: Hey Auntie look there's Lorde!
    She sings the Royals song you like!
    Auntie: Oh wow...she sang the sang??
    She look so old and the way she moving
    her body looks like the devil inside of her.
    Me: Auntie!!! She's only 17!
    Auntie: Whaaaat?!!? I thought she was 40.
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 51 points
13. † *
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2014 7:21pm UTC
    What girls think guys want;
    Skinny
    no fat
    long hair
    perfect skin
    thigh gap
    What they REALLY want;
    A great personality
    fun to be with
    humorous
    a hard worker
    a wifey type female
    What Some guys may ALSO want
    unfortunately these hoes apparently
    big boobs
    big a/ss
    hourglass body
    srry had to be realistic here**
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 69 points
14. † *
    posted a quote
    January 26, 2014 3:16pm UTC
    When I'm finally home from school,
    - puts bag down
    - take pants off and tie hair
    - eat everything in the fridge
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 12 points
15. † *
    posted a quote
    January 25, 2014 1:53pm UTC
    Most of the time.. when you're crying, nobody notices your tears.
    Most of the time.. when you're worried, nobody feels your pain.
    Most of the time.. when you're happy, nobody sees your smile.
    But when you fart just one time..
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 108 points
16. † *
    posted a quote
    January 24, 2014 8:15pm UTC
    Me: Wow, I'm having the best day of my life!
    Life: Oh lol, just hold a sec
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 19 points
17. † *
    posted a quote
    January 23, 2014 9:05pm UTC
    An idiot once said,
    Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 40 points
18. † *
    posted a quote
    January 23, 2014 7:34pm UTC
    I'm not here to judge,
    I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 24 points
19. † *
    posted a quote
    January 22, 2014 7:49pm UTC
    He who laughs last,
    didn't get the f/cking joke.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 87 points
20. † *
    posted a quote
    January 22, 2014 6:11pm UTC
    If you think patience is a virtue,
    try surfing the internet without highspeed connection.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 49 points

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2024 Witty Profiles