Dirtyxlittlexsecret95

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Member Since: 11 May 2011 01:07am

Last Seen: 30 Sep 2011 11:10pm

user id: 173217

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Welcome to my not so beautiful life.

Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
September 28, 2011 8:10am UTC

Secret #31
Hey best friend, guess what?
Did you know my mom cares more for you than me.
Did you know she yells at me constantly,
always telling me I'm going to fail in life.
Did you now she doesn't care?
Well hey mom, guess what?
Did you know I quit for you,
the cutting and suicidal thoughts.
Did you know it's coming back though,
you caused it again.
Because I'm that worthless and a failure.
Did you know I want to run away?
Bet you didn't know...

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
July 30, 2011 2:55am UTC

Secret #30
My sister? From my moms other marriage.
Me? Adopted. My dad? Has never conceived his own child.
I ask my mom about it, if it makes him sad that he never truly
had his own child. She says he loves us like we're his own flesh and blood,
and I believe her. But a part of me always thinks, that daddy would be happy with a baby in his arms... that looked just like him.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
July 30, 2011 2:48am UTC

Secret #29
My dad works over seas in places like Iraq, (He's not a soldier, but job will be left unmentioned but it has to do with banking). He's been home for two years know, but is probably going back this October. The only reason he wouldn't go? If I didn't want him to. I told him it's okay, but really honestly and truthfully... it's not. But we need to money. But hey, it's just another birthday you'll miss, what's that... the 5th one in a row? Just more years of my life you'll be gone. You've always said you wanted to see me grow up, so where have you been? Not here with me... But it's okay daddy, I promise. I love you no matter what. It's all a lie though, I miss you. The old happy you when money was never an issue and you actually talked to your family, the one where we'd play outside for hours building leave piles and snow forts, where you where home every night and would tuck me into bed and scared off the monsters. It's okay daddy, I promise it's fine, I love you daddy, but I miss you... the real happy you.
-----
Can I just say something, It feels really good to get that off my chest,but I can't tell my dad any of this, because money is a serious issue right know, and I know he's only looking out for us...

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
July 7, 2011 8:11pm UTC

Secret #28
I'm sorry I cry.
I'm sorry I fail things.
I'm sorry I'm pathetic.
I'm sorry I'm worthless.
I'm sorry I'm a waste of life.
I'm sorry I can't be good enough.
I'm sorry. . . .

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
July 7, 2011 8:00pm UTC

Secret #27
My dog saved me. He stopped me from suicide, he stopped my cutting, and managed to pull me out of depression. He was always there when no one else was. Cancer took him away from me, and know I don't know how much longer I can last. The cutting's started again, I'm waiting for the suicidal thoughts.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 30, 2011 11:20pm UTC

Secret #26
Sticks and stones will break my bones, and words will always hurt me.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 29, 2011 1:10pm UTC

Secret #25
Another name, one less meal.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 29, 2011 1:01pm UTC

click to see this quote

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 14, 2011 11:03pm UTC

Secret#23
You where right, I am afraid. I'm afraid because
the therapist figured me out in seconds. When
I say I hate you, I don't mean it. It's my anger taking
over me, the voices telling me to say it. I know I'm
going to regret telling you I never love you, when you
say it too me. It's true, you don't know me. It's true, I
can't stand my life here anymore. It's true that I don't
care. But it doesn't mean I actually meant it.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 14, 2011 10:53pm UTC

Secret#22
You threatened to call Child protection Services to
come and take me. It's because I said I couldn't handle
living here anymore. On the outside, I was waiting for you
to hit 'call'. But on the inside, I' m pleading for you not too.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 14, 2011 2:34pm UTC

Secret#21
I'm going to be an aunt.
I should be happy shouldn't I?
I'm not. Why? I'm not ready to be forgotten,
completely ignored. I know we fight mom, but
i'm still human; I have feelings. It's already started though,
it's like I never existed. All we talk about is her anymore,
the baby, her life issues. Guess what mom? My life sucks to.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 1, 2011 11:55pm UTC

Secret#20
I found the perfect school to help me. With my depression,
my suicide and eating disorder. I guess I won't get better
because you wont pay for it.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 1, 2011 11:51pm UTC

I told her,
I finally told my mom that I'm miserable, can't stand
her or my life here. I told her my real reason to wanting
to go to boarding school. I said I hated my life, and boarding
school would be my escape. You said we didn't have to money.
You don't have the money to help me in my life, but have enough money
to own two 500,000 dollar houses and go shopping everyday. You did
everything for my sister, supported her through her life, and still are. You
said I have to get a job, and pay for my own life. You buy her everything, then
when I ask for one simple thing, you say no. And you wonder why I hate it here so much?
Little did you know, you caused me to pick up the blade again, after a month of not doing it.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
June 1, 2011 5:58pm UTC

Secret#19
I'm miserable.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
May 31, 2011 11:33pm UTC

Secret#18
How am I supposed to tell you, that I want to run away,
and for you to not send anyone to look for me. Why
cant you understand it would be for the best?

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
May 28, 2011 1:44am UTC

Secret#17
Is it selfish, that I want you to stop shopping so much,
and spend that money on dance lessons for me?
Dancing releases my emotions, so I don't lead to
other things. So I don't go back to cutting or drinking
the vodka to become numb. You took it away from me,
and the voices are telling me to pick it up and just do
a little cut, I don't know how much longer I can stay
like this.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
May 28, 2011 1:37am UTC

Secret#16
There's a bigger reason as to why I want to go to
boarding school. I want to drop out of high school.
My life here is miserable, and you don't see it.
Me going to boarding school would change that,
I'd get away from the constant drama that followed me,
I wouldnt fight with you everyday, my life would be better.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
May 24, 2011 1:48am UTC

Secret#15
I have anger issues, I find joy in hurting people.
I like to threaten people and give them cold glares.
I like people being afraid of me, is it that bad?

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
May 24, 2011 1:42am UTC

Secret#14
You diagnosed me with Bi-Polar disorder. You said
I needed medication. I denied it all. I didn't want to
be like my birth mom. I didn't want to be 'crazy'
So, I denied it all. I said it's just me being a hormonal
teenager. You agreed, you didn't even try to fight back
with me. But know the signs are getting more and more
obvious and worse each day. I think I'm ready to accept
it. I need help.

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Dirtyxlittlexsecret95
posted a quote
May 24, 2011 1:22am UTC

Secret#13
You always wondered why my grades where falling,
I was depressed that whole month with suicidal
thoughts flowing through me and a blade in hand.
All I had wanted, was to fall into a dreamless sleep
and never wake up. Know, I feel possessed with
energy. All I want to do is Dance and dream, I want
to draw and fly. Never stop, but how am I supposed
to focus in school?

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