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DiaryOfAFatGirl

Fayedaway
posted a quote
October 2, 2012 10:31am UTC

i may seem crazy or painfully shy
and these scars wouldn't be so hidden if you would just look me in the eye
i feel alone here and cold here
though i don't want to die
but the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills me inside
i do not want to be afraid
i do not want to die inside just to breathe in
i'm tired of feeling so numb
relief exists i find it when
i am cut

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
November 26, 2012 11:46am UTC

1 little pill, to numb the pain
2 little pills, 'cause it still remains
3 little pills, just for fun
4 little pills, instead of a gun
5 little pills, i'm half way there
6 little pills, would anyone care?
7 little pills, to forget the past
8 little pills, time's running out fast
9 little pills, saying it's the first
10 little pills, dreamimg of a hearse
11 little pills, you ring A&E
12 little pills, i tell them i've had three
13 little pills, just let me die
14 little pills, they try and try
15 little pills, questioning why
16 little pills, and still no reply
17 little pills, a worker sets me free
18 little pills, as lonely as can be
19 little pills, i could've been gone
20 little pills, i'll start back at one
1 little pill, to numb the pain
2 little pills, i'll win this game

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
December 28, 2012 12:03pm UTC

I could stand here for hours
just to ask God the question
"is everyone here make believe"?
with a tear in his voice he said
"son that's the question"
does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
January 6, 2013 6:58pm UTC

The Hardest Part Of Growing Up Is Not Knowing Where You're Growing To.

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
January 10, 2013 1:00pm UTC

Truth Be Told I Miss You,
And Truth Be Told I'm Lying.
All American Rejects

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
January 13, 2013 7:33pm UTC

I Used To Believe It Was Me Who Was Insane
But Now I Take It Back
'Cause Compared To You I'm Okay

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 1, 2013 6:30am UTC

My skies may not be blue; my grass may not be green
But there are secrets still untold, and scars that are unseen
My voice is crying loudly, my heart is beating fast
I keep on running forward, but I’m falling into my past
Though I shall not give up hope, as my luck may reverse
Tools have been given, and methods need to be rehearsed
People tend to judge me, but I have no reason to care
I will sit and smile back, while they stand there and stare
Though it makes no sense, they don’t know where I’ve been
One day my skies will be blue, and my grass will be green

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 1, 2013 9:15am UTC

‘‘You seem so happy, always smiling''
inside I’m crying, secretly dying
is that really what you see?
You can't be looking at me...
''look how thin you're getting, you look great''
I’ve only lost a few stone in weight
''what lovely skin, so fair and pale''
i just passed out, i feel so frail
''you're eyes, they're all shiny and green''
if only you knew, what they've seen
''that really is nice perfume, is it new?''
i had a cigarette, i needed to hide the smell from you
''always in them long sleeves, you must be cold''
I’m just hiding cuts, both new and old
''you've been asking for a lot of pills, you're headaches must be bad''
i don't even have any, i save them up for when I’m sad
''darling i can see the joy in your eye''
''so can i'', -another lie-

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 2, 2013 4:45am UTC

Stress Response Poem for Psychology
Higher brain centres in the human body identify stress
There are two separate systems that turn you into a mess
The hypothalamus splits them into two
And then your body decides what is best for you
The pituitary adrenal system has a fairly slow response
It starts by releasing CRF but only does it once
ACTH is released by the pituitary gland in the brain
This is when the person starts to turn insane
There is a release of corticosteroids by the adrenal cortex
The liver produces more energy and there are other effects
This is what the body does when working at its best
But with long-term stress the immune system becomes suppressed
The Sympathomedullary system has the immediate response to stress
This system is used when the stressor lasts for one day or less
The activated autonomic nervous system is split into two
One that makes you a wreck and one that relaxes you
The sympathetic branch activates the adrenal medulla and other organs too
Adrenaline and noradrenaline are then released inside of you
There is bodily arousal which determines fight or flight
Pupils may dilate so they can take in more light
There will be quickened breath, sweat and a heart rate that is fast
But these visible responses do not last
While blood pressure starts to increase
Digestion slows and there is an energy release
Once the event is over the parasympathetic branch takes control
Its function is simple as it has a small role
Internal organs relax while heart rate and blood pressure decrease
This all happens when the stress is over, causing a sense of relief

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 3, 2013 11:46am UTC

It Started With A Handgun Loaded With Excuses

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 3, 2013 5:32pm UTC

people make me angry, people make me sick
some people you can't choose, and others you can pick
people can be evil, they can make you cry
every single truth they say, is actually a lie
people are sick and twisted, in everything they do
but what scares me the most, is that we are people too.

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 3, 2013 1:10pm UTC

another day, another drink
a constant battle, of swim or sink
the room is spinning round and round
and once again, i'm on the ground
half the time, i forget my name
but i quite enjoy, this little game
will i live, or will i die
i don't mind, i'll just try to fly
another night, another drink
though i can swim, i'm choosing to sink

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 3, 2013 12:23pm UTC

I Cut Myself So I Could Feel Something I Know Is Not A Lie

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 11:48am UTC

Laughing like it works
Bleeding like it don't hurt

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 12:40pm UTC

I Want To Feel Weightless
And That Should Be Enough
But I'm Stuck In This F*ck!ng Rut
Waiting On A Secondhand Pick-Me-Up
And I'm Over Getting Older

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 4, 2013 1:10pm UTC

Don't tell me if i'm dying
'cause i don't want to know
If i can't see the sun
Maybe i should go
Don't wake me 'cause i'm dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 8:12am UTC

Hey Don't Write Yourself Off Yet
It's Only In Your Head

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 8:15am UTC

Sink Or Swim?

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 8:22am UTC

Just Do Your Best
Do Everything You Can
And Don't You Worry What Their Bitter Hearts Are Going To Say

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Fayedaway
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 12:17pm UTC

i wish people would realise that i'm still not happy
...my smile isn't real...

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