'Twas the Night Before Christmas Remix #2
'Twas the second before Christmas, and all through the cave,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a leopard.
The smocks were hung by the loveseat with care,
In hopes that St. Darleen soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their tables,
While visions of sugar-hot dogs danced in their biceps.
And daughter in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the refrigerator to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
touched open the shutters, and shot up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-millennium to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a wet wrench, and eight tiny hippopotami.
With a little old driver, so lively and dirty,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Darleen.
More rapid than armadillos his hippopotami they came,
And he whistled, and flirted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dasher! Now, Lawrence! Now, Milk Carton and Vixen!
On, Toddler! On Chimpanzee! On, Pair Of Pants and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the horseshoe!
Now shave away! Shave away! Shave away all!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the loveseat St. Darleen came with a bound.
His eyes -- how they juggled! His dimples, how silky!
His thighs were like slugs, his toenail like a liver!
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And filled all the smocks, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his hip aside of his earlobe,
And giving a nod, up the loveseat he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good second!"
-- "'Twas the Night Before Christmas," corrupted and abridged.
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