Let's Face It. English Is a Stupid Language...
There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger. Neither pine nor apple in the
pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented
in France. We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we
find that: Quicksand takes you down slowly, Boxing rings are square, And a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing? If the
plural of tooth is teeth, Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher
taught, Why hasn't the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, What the
heck does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, Yet play at a recital? Park
on driveways and Drive on parkways? How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
where a house can burn up as it burns down, And in which you fill in a form by filling it
out and a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn't a race at all.)
That is why: When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out
they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts, But when I
wind up this poem? It ends.
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