Best Puns Quotes This Month

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 6:40pm UTC

Father: How were your test scores, son?
Me: Underwater.
Father: What does that mean?
Me: Below "C" level.
Me: HA
Me: HAHAHA
Dad: HA.
Dad: HAHAHA
Dad: You're grounded.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 300 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 6:33pm UTC

When a clock gets hungry...
it goes back four seconds.
HAHAHA I'm so funny.
Somebody date me ._.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 263 points

LandonIsWitty
posted a quote
February 27, 2013 11:58am UTC

The other day, a woman got wooden breast implants.
A funny punchline would be good here,
wooden t i t?

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 240 points

Eli22b

posted a quote
July 12, 2013 10:34pm UTC

I really wish I knew sign language,
it'd be pretty handy.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 234 points

Eli22b

posted a quote
July 6, 2013 12:07am UTC

You know whats odd to me?
Numbers that aren't divisable by 2.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 168 points

*Elena;~ ♥*
posted a quote
March 27, 2013 7:27pm UTC

Mercury: I don't like the sun!
Venus: I agree! He's so self-centered!
Mars: He thinks he's such a star!
Jupiter: I know, he thinks everything revolves around him.
Earth: He's soo hot though!
Neptune: I wouldn't know, we aren't very close.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 109 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
July 31, 2013 4:55am UTC

science teacher: "if you curl the fingers of your right hand around a magnet you can see what direction the current flows in. if you don't have a right hand, then we have a problem."
sam: "if you didn't have a right hand, wouldn't you say that you'd be stumped?"
me: "no, no, if you don't have a right hand you just use the one that's left."
sam: "wow, that's actually really handy!"
me: "yeah, as a rule of thumb it works pretty well."
sam: "i'm finding this really funny but i can't quite put my finger on why."
science teacher: "i've got to hand it to you, those puns are currently very amusing but the two of you really need to knuckle down and do your work."

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 108 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 11:49pm UTC

in science our teacher showed us an animation of a cartoon John Travolta rubbing his foot on the carpet and then electrocuting himself on a doorhandle and it was called "John Travoltage"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 109 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
July 17, 2013 5:19am UTC

what if when pirates felt really emotional about something they clutched their chests and said, "arghhhhh!!! me hearty!!!"

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 98 points

NeverFadingBeauty*
posted a quote
November 19, 2013 3:27pm UTC

Did you guys hear? The energizer bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 83 points

Bec*
posted a quote
October 6, 2013 4:16am UTC

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 64 points

*Elena;~ ♥*
posted a quote
January 7, 2014 3:00pm UTC

I don't trust people who do acupuncture
They're all backstabbers

👍 this is good · read the comments · 58 points

Livy*
posted a quote
May 6, 2013 6:19pm UTC

I bet when cheetahs race
and one of them cheats, the other goes,
"Man, you are such a cheetah!"
and they laugh and eat a zebra or whatever.
♥

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 50 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 18, 2013 3:55pm UTC

What do you call a box full
of underwear? A BRIEFcase.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 58 points

TheAryeLynet
posted a quote
January 29, 2013 12:41pm UTC

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.
Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."
Notmine :)

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 48 points

Bec*
posted a quote
October 5, 2013 4:56am UTC

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 37 points

revolutionary*
posted a quote
October 30, 2014 8:01pm UTC

Shoutout to librarians
oh sorry

👍 this is good · read the comments · 38 points

britany*
posted a quote
April 8, 2014 10:25pm UTC

seven days without a pun makes one weak

👍 this is good · read the comments · 33 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 20, 2013 3:08pm UTC

What do you call a clumsy
horse? UnSTABLE.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 34 points

NeverFadingBeauty*
posted a quote
December 3, 2013 10:55pm UTC

News Person1: Today's News, a man was struck by lighting and lived.
News Person 2: That must have been a shocking experience. *laughs*
Person 1: I bet he wanted to bolt, huh? *laughs as well*
Person 2: You know what they always say about these things, they spark your interest.
Person 1: Must have been electrifying.
Person 2: I wonder when the idea struck him?
Person 1: Lighting fast.
Me: They would so go to hell if there was one -.-

👍 this is good · read the comments · 26 points

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Best Puns Quotes This Month