Jokes Quotes

Dishonored*
posted a quote
November 15, 2014 3:58pm UTC

I like really offensive jokes,even if they're relevant to me,unless I f.ucking hate you. If Ihate you then that is the mostdisrespectful thing I have everheard in my life.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

thenchantedawn
posted a quote
November 8, 2014 11:58pm UTC

I'm not a fan of fragrant candles... it doesn't really make scents.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

lovemeh22
posted a quote
September 23, 2014 9:01pm UTC

I once had these friends,
they were super popular,attractive,and seemed nice.
and from that i learned one thing:
Pretty people are b.tches :D
Joking (just these people)

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points

livelovelaugh2
posted a quote
July 21, 2014 2:51pm UTC

Thoughts during school: 1. I'm tierd
2. I'm cold
3. I don't get it
4. I'm hungry
5. What time is it?
6. I want to go home

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

livelovelaugh2
posted a quote
July 20, 2014 3:51pm UTC

😂That awkward moment when a teacher is yelling at the class and you suddenly wanna laugh for some reason.😂

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 13 points

Forever His*
posted a quote
June 25, 2014 2:20am UTC

Me: Mum Stop, You Are Not Funny. You Never Make Jokes
Mum: I Made You
Burn;)

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

*crybaby*
posted a quote
June 17, 2014 2:12am UTC

I like new friends because I can reuse old jokes

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 64 points

AtmosFEAR
posted a quote
June 7, 2014 8:50am UTC

i asked my italian grandfather if the rough parts of italy were called the spaghetto and he looked at me with so much shame

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

Crzy_Insanity*
posted a quote
May 6, 2014 11:51am UTC

I wanna play a game. You wanna play? B and I are on a team. Pick yours. Lets see who else you think you know. ;)

👍 this is good · read the comments · 3 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
April 24, 2014 6:55pm UTC

I think netflix would work great as dating site.
"Here are 9 other singles in your area who also watched pokemon for 12 hours straight"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 85 points

Cianni:3*
posted a quote
April 23, 2014 12:30pm UTC

When You "Nice" Your Own Joke xD

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

SANDD*
posted a quote
April 21, 2014 11:27am UTC

no i will not make the first move,
i will not move at all, carry me

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

SANDD*
posted a quote
April 21, 2014 11:26am UTC

i am usually that person that has
no idea what the fck is going on but will do it anyway

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

SANDD*
posted a quote
April 21, 2014 11:26am UTC

can i get a hell yeah if you don't
know what you're doing with your life and never get any sleep

👍 this is good · read the comments · 6 points

SANDD*
posted a quote
April 21, 2014 11:25am UTC

i wanna open a tea shop called
"it's partea time" and i'll spike all the tea with vodka

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points

SANDD*
posted a quote
April 21, 2014 11:24am UTC

one time I overslept and my mom came into
my room to wake me up and said “you had better get up or else you’ll be rushing”. I wanted to say
“if I’m rushing then so be it”
but since I was still
half asleep my mind changed “rushing” to “Russian”,
I rolled over and said “if I’m Russian, soviet” and to this day it’s the best joke I’ve ever made

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

theWalrus
posted a quote
April 15, 2014 9:23pm UTC

Two guys walk into a bar
You'd think the second one would duck

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 36 points

SuperNovaChic
posted a quote
April 10, 2014 7:18pm UTC

The hardest things about a new friendship is trying to find out the boundary for jokes.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 113 points

Ineedmakyinme
posted a quote
April 8, 2014 11:35pm UTC

I would like to give a BIG thanks to my mother
who laughed when my doctor asked me if I was sexually active.
I wish I was able to video tape her reaction when I told him that I in fact was.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points

Kin
posted a quote
April 1, 2014 8:59am UTC

So yesterday I had that big and long test and my mom kept saying at least you don't have one today! Then right before I was about to leave she came running out of her room saying, "Julian you have to retake the test! Get your sweats back on so you're comfy!" it was so obvious she was lying so I just said, "April Fools" and she was like, "ugh i thought I got you! Have a good day ahaha!" so yea that's life in my house :P

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points

Witty Profiles

Jokes Quotes