Best Clever Quotes This Week

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 8, 2013 7:17pm UTC

I have always secretly wanted
to pull the fire alarm at school.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 267 points

sophsunflower12
posted a quote
March 26, 2013 5:40pm UTC

it's March. someone please enlighten me
as to why there's still snow on the ground.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 282 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 14, 2013 4:21pm UTC

When you're doing something
you're not supposed to do, every small noise scares you.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 231 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 27, 2013 6:13pm UTC

OMG 12-year-olds are so
weird and annoying. God, do they even know anything? They are way too young to be on Witty.
~ 13-year-olds

👍 this is good · read the comments · 286 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
March 1, 2013 10:51pm UTC

the devil is real
and he's not some little red man
with horns and a tail.
he can be beautiful,
because he's a fallen angel
+ he used to be god's favourite

👍 this is good · read the comments · 235 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:39pm UTC

A friend of mine asked me if
I'm going to her wedding. I said, "No, I'll catch the next one."
She's mad at me now.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 221 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 8, 2013 7:29pm UTC

I like when Google answers
my stupid questions because it means I'm not the only one asking Google stupid questions.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 220 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 13, 2013 3:50pm UTC

I'd fight a bear for you. Not a
grizzly. Or a brown bear. Or a panda. But maybe like a Care Bear? I'd fight one of those bit/ches for you. ♥

👍 this is good · read the comments · 222 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 15, 2013 5:29pm UTC

Imagine if trees gave off
wifi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet, too.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 227 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 6:51pm UTC

Girl on Facebook: To look in the mirror and see that the person staring back isn't you...
Me: Then it's probably a window instead.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 216 points

MissTomlinson
posted a quote
February 26, 2013 7:36pm UTC

One Direction as principles scolding a student:
Niall: Never do that again! Do you understand how ba-- *lunch bell rings* GET OUTTA THE WAY! *pushes kid over and runs to cafeteria*
Harry: So basically, erm... so... like, you can't... do that...
Zayn: You need to keep your hands and feet inside the roller coaster that is life next time, okay?
Liam: Okay, I know you made a woopsy, but be good next time. Oh my, that was so harsh! I'm sorry! You know what? Here's a lollipop. And a sticker. And a golden star sticker for you! Run along now, precious little honey bunches of oats.
Louis: Do you even know who I am? Huh?? And you're gonna talk back to me!? Uh, not in my house, b/tch. Not in my house.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 242 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 16, 2013 7:38pm UTC

Tell someone, "you wore that
shirt the day after yesterday" and see how long it takes them to get it.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 211 points

MissTomlinson
posted a quote
February 24, 2013 5:47pm UTC

Interviewer: Who is your favorite singer?
Niall: Justin Bieber.
Harry: Adele.
Zayn: Bruno Mars.
Liam: Bruno Mars.
Louis: Harry Styles.
follow for a follow.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 221 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:28pm UTC

When I die, I'm going to
invite everyone I ever knew to my funeral, and I'll make sure they play a remix of "Call Me Maybe", "Gangnam Style", and "Harlem Shake" and whoever sticks it out the longest is going to inherit everything I have.
Yes, I put the fun in funeral.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 200 points

MissTomlinson
posted a quote
March 2, 2013 10:13pm UTC

One Direction Insults:
Louis: Boys with as/es like mine don't talk to girls with faces like yours.
Harry: I care about you like Niall cares about childbirth.
Niall: I can make your girl scream louder just by clicking the follow button.
Zayn: Your face is as ugly as mine is sexy.
Liam: I know you are but what am I!!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 204 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 13, 2013 3:56pm UTC

I'm single by choice. Not my
choice, but still a choice.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 199 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 14, 2013 7:13pm UTC

I'm just going to start carrying
around a voice recorder so that when someone makes a promise, I can record it and play it back to them later when they forget about it like people do in TV shows.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 192 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 8:08pm UTC

I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 191 points

carson5482
posted a quote
February 21, 2013 9:53pm UTC

You can tell that America is obese
when the scariest thing that we have
right now is called Slenderman.
follow for a follow.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 216 points

MissTomlinson
posted a quote
February 24, 2013 5:17pm UTC

What One Direction sings in the shower:
Liam: Sunshine, lollipops, rainbows everywhere!
Zayn: I'm sexy and I know it!
Harry: It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes!
Louis: G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeeeaaaaah!
Niall: Ba da da da da, I'm lovin' it!!
follow for a follow. <3

👍 this is good · read the comments · 207 points

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Best Clever Quotes This Week