Hidden Behind the Smile Chapter 20; August 21st,2011 I got to the Agia's house before Albie did. I was playing barbies with Parker when he came in. After a little while of Albie, Parker, Kayla and I talking, Leah called us in for dinner. We were sitting around the table when Leahs started talking, "Alright, I know you're all probably wondering why your here. Its been a month since Louis is gone, and we're all grieving and remembering him. I had known this before Louis left us, but wanted to make sure it was true before I said anything." She hesitated before speaking again, "I'm pregnant," she said with a smile. We all shrieked with joy! Finally, after the hardtimes we had through the past month, happiness. A reason to celebrate, and to be happy. We finished dinner cheerfully and buzzed about when Leah was due and such. Albie and I hung around after dinner, and we played games as a family. Even though I'm not related to any of these people, I feel as if I am. I feel as if, Louis dieing, brought us together. Chris is a father figure to me now, and I can go to Leah with any problem I have. Albie and I had always been close, but now we're closer then ever. He's the only one that knows about my cutting. He tries to stop me from doing it, he says Louis wouldn't want me to do that to myself, but I can't stop now. Kayla, Parker, and I are closer now too. Parker always says she looks up to me, and Kayla says I'm her older sister she never had. I like being close to them, it gives me a sense of being with Louis. Louis and Kayla are so alike, and that almost, comforts me. It was getting late, so Albie walked me home and I went to my bathroom and threw up my dinner. I sat in my bathroom and cut my hip. I cut there instead of my wrists so nobody ever sees the cuts. The pain from cutting is excrutiating, but I continue to dig the blade deeper into my skin. I wash the blood off of my fresh wounds and put on pajamas. I put on 8 Mile and fell asleep. While I was asleep, I had a dream. Louis was in it, and he was trying to tell me something. I was at his house in the pool, and in the pool it was harder to hide my cuts. Louis noticed them and yelled at me. He told me to stop, or else I would really hurt myself. I refused to stop and he got madder and madder each time I said no. He told me I better stop or I would end up like he is. That didn't make me want to stop, that motivated me to keep doing it so I would be with him again. He ran to my house and took any razor from my bathroom he could find and threw it into a fire, spontaneuously in the middle of the street. Then he yelled at me one last time and told me to stop, and he was gone. I woke up and my heart was pounding. 'Maybe I should stop cutting...' I thought to myself.
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