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riahbear18

1. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   September 2, 2013 2:25am UTC
   They didn't tell you they love you
   because they didn't love you at all.
   How could they love you
   if they don't understand you?
   They liked the cover and the story,
   but they didn't understand the plot.
   No one will read between the lines
   like I do.
   No one will analyze each page,
   trying to see beyond the happy tone
   like I do.
   They can't love you
   because I do.
   But you'll never love me the
   way I do you
   Because I'm just a silly girl
   in love with the wrong person.
   You've built a wall against the idea,
   and I've tried to, too.
   But you and I are different,
   because I've lived a lie
   since I met you.
   My walls are higher and I hope
   the wrong words don't break through;
   because you can't love me
   the way I love you.
   
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2. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   August 15, 2013 1:08am UTC
   Let me go far away- somewhere they won't ever find me, and tomorrow won't remind me of today.
   
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3. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   August 12, 2013 3:16pm UTC
   I don't think you'll ever understand the hold you have on me.
   
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4. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   July 18, 2013 6:22pm UTC
   0001
   There’s a part of me searching for something, something that I lost a long time ago. The last time I had it, I must have been four or five. Those were the glory days when my world was full of laughter, and the only pain I knew was scraping my knee on the rough sidewalk outside my house on Acacia Circle. Then, the house sang with me in joyous memories surrounded with the euphoria of bright colors that I don’t know how to explain. Now, it screams at me with haunting recollections marred with flashes of red and black. Each day, I walk around this house plagued with the vivid details of a time before. While I try to forget, the memories fight back the cloud of grey I try to place over them; they will not be forgotten.
   How do you forget the past when you’re stuck amidst reminders that it happened? The same CD plays while your mother does the dishes by hand at 4:30 PM every day. The basement remains half unfinished, with an old, green-plaid couch in the finished section. The very TV that played videos of terrible, unmentionable things sits in its place. The clock ticks sluggishly as all the memories come flooding back. Ten years later, you’ve replayed the scene in your head so many times, it doesn’t feel real: the pulsing pain you felt then seems distant and indirect, blurred by the searing pain you’ve felt since; the terror of the moment enhanced by your fear of every male you’ve crossed paths with since; the confidence you had in yourself banished by a shame naught could remove. None of it seems real; it can’t be real. You have a reputation to uphold, and that means promises to honor. You can’t break, you can’t forget, and most importantly, you can’t tell.
   He warned you, “Telling would be disastrous, and make no mistake, your whole world will come down around you,” So, you don’t tell, and the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You’ll never forget completely, so why try? Instead, you go day-by-day, trying to sort through the menagerie of emotions that plunge into the darkest corners of your mind, and until today, you didn’t break, not even a little bit.
   
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5. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   June 29, 2013 11:30pm UTC
   Message from the Author for my new book:
   The soul of a writer can be a terrifying place. People always advise you to write what you know. But what happens when what you know torments you to the point where suicide seems like the only answer? They’ll tell you to keep pushing, as if writing about it will provide the closure you need. Maybe it will; you might be so lucky. I’ve never been fortunate enough for that. Writing about the wretched experiences presented to me has made things more intolerable than before. So, what do I write about now?
   The people might suggest you write a fantasy fiction. Naturally, these people have no idea what it’s like to write. You may create a fantasy world, but your imagination needs somewhere to start. Whether you imagine a perfect life or a world where magic is normal, it starts somewhere. Maybe it stems from another book you read, a quote you stumbled across, a picture you saw, a feeling you had, or even a conversation you accidentally overheard. That’s up to you. The important thing is that you never stop writing and never stop trying.
   
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6. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   June 10, 2013 10:57pm UTC
   I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start.
   
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7. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   June 5, 2013 9:32pm UTC
   Don't tear me down because you're insecure. Don't call me fat because you're morbidly obese. Don't call me stupid because you don't understand your classes. Don't. I'm sure that when I have my first child, you'll call me a terrible mother because that's what you are to me. Mothers don't tear their children down because they feel bad about themselves. That's not a mother's role. You're meant to guide me and challenge me, not hurt me and demand things I'm not capable of. Your unrealistic expectations rule my life, but I'm done now. The ball's in my court. You can set these expectations, but what happens when I don't comply? When I don't measure up? Will you yell? Maybe you'll ground me. Maybe you'll let it go and then bring it up later when I feel okay. Everything that's good has to be ruined, right? You were a failure, so, naturally, I must be one too. You slept with guys at a young age and got pregnant, so, of course, I will too. Get your head out of your rear- it's not a hat. I'm not you. I'm smarter, stronger, and have been through more than you'll ever know. So, while you sit there with your blinders on-- ignoring the fact that your daughter is slipping away before your eyes-- I'll be building myself up with a hatred, a hatred of you and everything you stand for. Are you ready to stop? Stop lying and pretending you care. Stop pretending that things between us will reach equilibrium. Stop pretending like you want me around for college. You know I don't want to be near you, and you just want to keep controlling me. College is my playground, my investment, and furthermore, my chance at becoming something other than what you want to see. So go ahead. Keep thinking that I want to start my college search early because I'm smart or because I'm mature. In reality, the sooner I solidify where I'm going and when I'm leaving, the sooner my life will be bearable.
   So- for everything you've called me: fat, stupid, ugly, insolent, rude, witchy, incapable, retarded
   Just remember, everything I am is because of you. You say it all the time, "You're a direct reflection of me, so make me look good,"
   Guess what. I won't. I refuse. Build your own image up because I'm not doing it anymore. Find a new punching bag, and you'd be wise to find one that doesn't hit back.
   
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8. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   May 18, 2013 9:39pm UTC
   I don't think anyone understands how alone I feel. Sure, people talk to me but only when they need me or feel obligated to. But you all make me feel worthless and I want to thank you for that.
   
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9. riahbear18
   posted a quote
   April 22, 2013 1:24pm UTC
   Morals
   Have you seen my compass?
   I find myself dreadfully
   misplaced among the struggles of
   out world and the silent melancholy
   of my teenage years.
   Have you seen my compass?
   I got lost while searching the
   stars for a meaningful
   answer. Maybe they knew
   where I belong.
   Have you seen my compass?
   Probably not, I haven't seen it
   in a while. Maybe I left it
   behind when I sat among the lies,
   hunting for the kernel of truth.
   Have you seen my compass?
   No? Well,
   can I borrow yours?
   
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10. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    April 20, 2013 10:39pm UTC
    Stars exploded,
    as the moon collided with the sun.
    The death of millions in exchange
    for their happiness.
    still working out how to turn this into a fully fledged poem :3 suggestions are welcome!
    
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11. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 26, 2013 11:55pm UTC
    Your eyes, common as they are,
    speak to me in a language so beautiful,
    it puts the stars to shame. But you can't love me,
    for the same reasons I can't
    love anyone else.
    Best friends, that was the promise.
    But can promises change if one person needs
    more? You're afraid to try, and we're going to miss
    our chance to be happy
    and be free.
    Smarter now than I was before, I see
    through you. But even more wise, your
    deception continues and I keep falling hook, line, sinker.
    Once you've had me,
    will you leave?
    Center of attention, your anchor at sea.
    But what is it that attracts to to me? I'll never
    understand why you had to pick me when I won't ever
    want you the way
    you want me.
    
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12. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 23, 2013 7:52pm UTC
    The moon cast a brilliant glow overhead
    as two planets collided even
    though they never should have.
    Every impact more breathtaking than the last,
    and the planets knew they couldn't
    stand to be apart anymore.
    The planets stayed together til morning,
    but they knew it couldn't last, yet the planets
    needed more of each other.
    From then on, the stars were more luminous,
    the moon shone brighter, and the world
    was more vibrant than they could ever imagine before.
    
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13. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 22, 2013 2:12pm UTC
    ((for poetry workshop))
    Dancing with Demons
    "You'll see, " a gentle voice exhales.
    Bewildered, she turns to see-
    nothing but the wind,
    A zephyr chasing leaves on trees.
    "Focus," the numbers taunt. She obeys.
    "Harder, faster, lighter,"
    The monster's command resonates.
    The gentle whisper returns, "You're okay. Slow down,"
    She abides and the numbers
    decrease velocity with her.
    The monster shrieks in protest.
    "Keep going. Do you want to be ugly forever?"
    Tears. The girl stops-
    trembling, sobbing.
    "Come to me, child," the monster dictates.
    100...95...90... every night lower.
    She collapses, too far.
    Lost-nothing but skin and bones left.
    Again, the breeze addresses her.
    "Trust me. You're stronger than that,"
    But the monster gets the
    final say-
    "Stay with me. Don't you want to be
    beautiful?"
    Nodding, she begins once more.
    harder faster lighter
    
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14. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 17, 2013 12:14am UTC
    You can't expect her to be okay so quickly when she struggles with depression. She's hurting. She's still working out how to manage that and it can be a tough and scary process. You never know what's going to trigger it. You don't know when the bad days are coming. Nothing.
    It can make maintaining a relationship very difficult, especially one with someone who has baggage of his own.Sometimes, people like us, we need a break. We need a chance to fix what was broken. We need a chance to fix ourselves instead of others trying.Watching disappointment when people can't fix us makes it worse. So we remove ourselves from that situation for as long as we need. But sometimes, people misunderstand that. They expect things to get better quickly. They expect progress or change. Sometimes the bad things are so strong that they never go away. And that's what she's trying to deal with. She's dealing with a lot. Chances are, she always will be. And that's something you have to try to understand.
    
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15. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 16, 2013 11:52pm UTC
    Beauty around me is all I see.
    So why can't I find the beauty in me?
    As the numbers on the scale get higher and higher,
    Don't call me beautiful. You're such a liar.
    Up and up they go,
    They'll never stop. That's all I know.
    123. Everyone else's beauty is what I see.
    There's no beauty left in me.
    456. Better keep getting sick.
    Until I'm as thin as a stick.
    789. Never eating, never fine.
    I'll soon be united with the divine.
    
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16. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 15, 2013 9:42pm UTC
    I just don't get it.
    You knew. So why'd you leave?
    Did you think it was a game?
    I wanted to tell you everything.
    You knew. So why'd you do it?
    Did you think I'd be okay?
    I opened up for the first time.
    You knew. So why'd you tear me down?
    Did you think I'd bounce back?
    Of course you did.
    I always do. Why wouldn't you leave?
    I'll be resilient, like you wanted me to.
    Of course you did.
    I always am. Why wouldn't you do it?
    I'll be okay, like you told me to do.
    Of course you did.
    I always try. Why wouldn't you leave?
    I'll play a game with someone else's heart, like you did to mine.
    But when you finally find the decency to shed a tear,
    It's okay you didn't love me. I don't either.
    
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17. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 13, 2013 6:03pm UTC
    **An update on my last poem
    Alone
    Alone, and the little girl cried.
    She cried for what she had lost,
    She cried for what she'd soon lose,
    She cried for what she'd never find.
    Alone, but the little girl smiled.
    She smiled for what she'd found,
    She smiled for what she had,
    She smiled for what she'd never lose.
    Alone, the little girl was scared.
    Scared of what the past had brought,
    Scared of what the present held,
    Scared of what the future would reveal.
    
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18. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 10, 2013 9:48pm UTC
    And the little girl cried.
    She cried for what she had lost,
    She cried for what she'd soon lose,
    She cried for what she'd never find.
    But the little girl smiled.
    She smiled for what she'd found,
    She smiled for what she had,
    She smiled for what she'd never lose.
    The little girl was scared.
    Scared of what the past had brought,
    Scared of what the present held,
    Scared of what the future would reveal.
    
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19. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 10, 2013 11:32am UTC
    I hate you for doing this to me. But it's made me stronger so good riddance.
    
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20. riahbear18
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2013 8:39pm UTC
    Poetry workshop really annoys me. Who are you to judge if something is too sentimental? Who are you to pick apart my word choice? Who are you to think that you can define my poem with me sitting in the room? You didn't even think to ask and that's your downfall.
    
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