I know I'm weirder than most.
I listen to indie music that no one else listens to. They're mostly sad songs,
if you can even understand the words. Most of the time it's in another language
because to me, the music isn't always about the lyrics, it's about the beat.
Sometimes that's where emotion is hidden.
I don't wear pretty clothes that get everyone's attention and I'm not the type
of girl that makes other girls jealous. I'd rather be comfortable and ugly than
uncomfortable and pretty.
I write a lot. People think it's strange; how I'm always on my laptop. But this is
my escape. Some of you have music or a band or a sport, but for me, it's my
writing. Don't judge me for doing what I love.
I don't really talk anymore, to anyone. I've become closed off and just afraid
of having a relationship with someone. The people closest to me have always
hurt me, and I realized that you cannot fully trust anyone when my own mother
turned on me. You can't fully trust anyone. I guess I just realized that.
I don't feel comfortable with talking to guys. I was destroyed by a boyfriend
in the past, and I know that if I let myself open up that much to someone, that
it could happen again. To me, it's not worth the risk.
I do this thing where I get really close to someone. Anyone. Once it was my neighbor,
and then my brother's friend, and then a good friend of mine. But I open up to them.
A lot. They become my everything, my world revolves around them. And then, for no
good reason, I shrivel up and close them out. I get uncomfortable whenever they even
look at me. I don't know why I do that. I just can't get close to people.
But honestly, I am me. I'm not living my life to satisy anyone but myself. Don't like me?
Well, your loss. I don't care about what people think or say about me. I'm addicted to
compliments. I'll spend all night dreaming about a boy I wouldn't dare talk to in person.
I'm not your average high school girl.
So yeah.
Call me weird, but life is so beautiful from here.