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chriscolferisamaing

1. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   May 30, 2012 7:13pm UTC
   Being skinny is apprently to much to ask for.
   
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2. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   May 30, 2012 6:56pm UTC
   I am not skinny.
   I am fat.
   Fat.
   I am ugly.
   I know it.
   And I hate it.
   I hate my body.
   I hate myself.
   
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3. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   May 29, 2012 9:23pm UTC
   blondieeisamazing.tumblr.com
   follow for a follow?(:
   
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4. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   May 12, 2012 8:49pm UTC
   I hate everyone.
   
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5. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   April 19, 2012 10:25pm UTC
   I absolutely hate it when people insult your favorite actor or even your favorite singer. Fir example, I absolutely love Johnny Depp. His movies make me so* freaking happy especially when I have my wroser day sand everyone sits there and insults him. Sorry I'm not like you and only like actors for their bodies, I them for who they are. a**holes.
   
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6. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   April 11, 2012 8:11pm UTC
   I just want you back.
   
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7. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   March 21, 2012 7:31pm UTC
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8. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   March 19, 2012 7:59pm UTC
   Monday, March 19th
   Well today just sucked. I just don't want to feel ugly anymore. I don't want to wake up in the morning and look in the mirrorust to find another revolting reflection. I don't want to have to change seven times because I look unattractive in half of my clothes. I don't want to be afraid to wear a bikini anymore. I don't want to worry about if I ran out of make up because id i didn't wear any I'd look disgusting. I don't wan tto feel the need to constantly look in the mirror, not out of vain, but to make sure I think I'm at least decent looking and not ugly like i know I really am. I don't want to question if I should eat that day not because it might help me drop a pound. I want to be beautiful. I want to be naturally attractive and have a gorgeous body. I want to wake upand feel confident that I'm pretty. I hat ehaving this body, but I hate having this low self confidence of mine even more.
   *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
   
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9. chriscolferisamaing
   posted a quote
   March 16, 2012 10:56pm UTC
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10. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 15, 2012 9:15pm UTC
    Thursday, March 15th
    Today wasn't actually that bad. At multiple times today the smile was actually real, which is not what usually happens. I just hope days like this happen more often. I still feel worthless and I am still not eating as much as I probably should, but I am making sure I stay hydrated. I just want to be skinny, more then anything. I am just hoping that OI don't end up taking it to far. i feel like i am strong eneough to get through it. I just, I don;t even know what to do anymore. Just going to end it here because i don't even know what to say.
    *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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11. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 14, 2012 9:43pm UTC
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12. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 13, 2012 10:03pm UTC
    Tuesday, March 13th
    Usually Tuesdays are the highlight of my week because Glee is on, but I have to wait until April 10th for it to come back and it's KILLING me. Glee is what gets me throught the week., it gives me hope. Well, Chris Colfer gives me hope anyway. I sit there and alternate between One Direction and Chris Colfer when I listen to music, which is constantly..lol. Tomorrow officially, I am starting my diet. I did my research and as long as i eat 1,000 calories a day, it is enough to stay somewhat healthy but loose a lot of weight at the same time. I plan on working out two hours every day and drinking a ton of whatever. Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Well I hope, anyway.. If worse comes to worse ill just end up in the hospital again and i can deal with that. If that's what it takes then that's what it takes. In order to be pretty you need to be all bones. That's the goal. Society is getting what it wants, im giving in. It better be happy because im putting everything i have into loosing this weight. Remember, im not starving myself just eating as little as possible to the point where im just barely healthy. Being skinny is everything and all that i want. screw everything else. That's ALL i care about. Well that's basically it for today.
    *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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13. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 12, 2012 9:44pm UTC
    Monday, March 12
    I seriously hate Mondays. It's just the strat of another five days of total fake smiles. It's not even like glee is on tomorrow night, it's what saves me and gets me thorugh everything. It may seem pathetic but that's the truth. I tried so hard not to eat today. but of course i had to have a pretzel at lunch otherwise everyone tries to force feed me. im so done with being fat. it makes me feel so freaking worthless and no matter what i do, im still fat. so done with everything. All i want is to be skinny. It's everythind and all i want. I honestly do not think i'll ever be happy if i'll always be this size. I just want to die, i feel so worthless all the time. already in tears):. i'm just so tired of living like this. Depressed constabntly, making my friends always have to worry about me. The world would probably be better without me, no one would even notice that i was gone. Suicide is the absolute last resort. Considering to start cutting. I just don't knwo how to be happy againa nd gain my selfconfidence back. I have been trying to hard but NOTHING is working. I'm so done with life.
    *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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14. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 11, 2012 9:46pm UTC
    Sunday, March 11th
    Today was ok. I stayed home all day, alone, in my pj's, locked in my room, sitting here, on witty. I'm starting to hardcore diet and excercise tomorrow. I want to be skinny more then anythign in the world and if i have to starve myself to do it, then that is what is going to be done. I am tryign to wait for whoever the next important guy in my life will be to find me. i hope he comes soon. i hate waiting like this, sitting there alone as my best friend has to constantly reject guys. Don't feel like getting all upset about how worthless i am so im just going to end this one here. Not in tears for once.
    *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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15. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 10, 2012 10:11pm UTC
    Saturday, March 10th.
    Today was terrible, but what do i really expect? Obviously I'm not going to be happy. I had softball today and it went miserably. I swear my pitching is turning into as worthless as I am. My pitching, thats ALL i have left that makes me absolutely truely happy. I came back from practice and didn;t speak a word to my parents. I just got so absolutely upset. i dont even understand why. you knwo what happened again? over and over? "You're worthless. You're worthless. YOU ARE WORTHLESS. You will NEVER be skinny. NO guy will ever love you." I don't know why. I put myself through so much torture. It's insanity. I have no will to do anything. I don't to wake up, nothing makes me happy anymore. Im just so done with everything. I don't even care anymore.
    *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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16. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 10, 2012 10:02pm UTC
    (I wasn't able to write about yesterday because i was with people last night, so here's yesterday.)
    Friday, March 9th
    Today was terrible. Ijust kept repeating to myself "you're worthless. you're worthless. you'll never be pretty like her. you'll never be skinny as her, her, and her. I really don't know why i do this to myself because it just makes me so* down on myself. I feel like i'm worth absolutely nothing, and that NO ONE understands me, at all. why would a guy want a girl that thinks this low of herself? They don't, which is partially my point. My best friend sits here and has to constantly reject guys, literally. they sit there and call her beautiful and amazing and talk about how they would treat her like a princess. and what am i? HAHA. worthless. As always. No one has ever said i as worthless, to my face anyway. But just me thinkning it is more then enough. My life sucks. The fake smile gets harder and harder to keep, everyday. starting next wek i am hardcore dieting, idgaf if its wrong. I NEED to loose weight. no guy would ever want someone as worthless as i am. ending this one in full out tears.
    *thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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17. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 8, 2012 8:35pm UTC
    March 8th, 2012.
    I lovelovelovelovelove the weather we had today. It just makes me happier not sitting there freezing. today was a pretty good day. Nothign has happened with the love life but that's only expected. I'm afraid my closest friend may have found out about this account already, because it's so hard to hide things from her. I just hope she hasn't. I don't know why i care so much about it, i just do. Anyway, today was ok. Once again it wasn't a good day but at the same time it wasn't a bad one. At some moments today the smile wasn't fake, which really impresses me. I just wish i was skinny. soo bad. im trying soo hard. I just want to be skinny. That is what my life is starting to revolve around..trying to be skinny. wanting to be skinny. I'm just afraid one. time ill take it to far.. but i want it more then anything in the world. bleh): ending this one with tears in my eyes..
    *Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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18. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 7, 2012 7:42pm UTC
    March 7th, 2012.
    Today was okay. I had softball practice today. Because of my pitching and hitting my coach made me the captain of the team. Which makes me extremely happy. it wasn't a good day but at the same time it wasnt a bad one. im trying to loose weight so bad, but im forcing myself to eat. the only times i really eat is when im at school and with my friends. i dont want them to think somethign is wrong with me, even though my closest ones already know. i just don't want to bring them down. this profile is my only way to really vent and get everything out. im not asking for any help i just need to get it all out. nothing happened with the love life today, but thats only expected. why would a guy want someone who thinks they are more worthless then dirt? i think im oign to stop before i put myself down too much.
    *thanks for reading if you bothered.*
    
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19. chriscolferisamaing
    posted a quote
    March 6, 2012 7:46pm UTC
    Every day I am going to do a vent just to let everything out, so you're basically reading my diary.*
    March 6, 2012.
    I didn't make the team. I did not make my high schools softball team. It ment everything to me too. None of my friends made it either, and its basically because we're freshman. i am now the lead pitcher of my towns travel team but its not the same, at all. That totally crushed me and lowered my self-esteem so much more. I finally admitted to myself today that I have an eating disorder. I do not eat all day, then when i get home from school i stuff my face, then i workout for an hour, then id o it all over again the next day. I really try not to , im just so hungry. My goal is to have a six pack by sumer and loose the thinder thighs but i doubt its going to happen. Today in class this girl that i don't really talk to sat next to me in science and said to me "What's wrong? That smile is so fake and i could tell from a mile away." I almost burst out into tears. I cannot do this anymore, the fake smile is kidding me and apprently its getting easier to see through. I hate my body and the way I look and im not happy at all. I just go tout of a short relationship and i have decided since then that i am going to wait for a guy to find me. the relationship ended about a week and a half ago and it was muttual. Im over it and it really does not phase me any more. but no guy has even been attempting to make a move.. my bestfriend broke up with her boyfriend today and she already has two guys that are ractically in love with her. It's obviously not the guys, its me. I'm sarting to get really upset with me life, and i tempted to starve myself again, but i want to be able to stay strong to play softball. That's basically it for today i think.
    Thanks for reading, if you even bothered.*
    
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