Witty Profiles

XxKaylaxJoannexX

1. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   July 5, 2010 9:08am UTC
   Remember when the only thing people your age sold was lemonade.
   Mine, I thinkkk<3
   
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2. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   February 8, 2010 10:15pm UTC
   I could sit here and tell you how much i love you,
   but thats something you already know.
   so instead I'm going to say thank you.
   thank you for always being by my side.
   thank you for putting up with me and my many imperfections.
   thank you for loving me and just being you.
   I could quite easily go on forever,
   but i wont.
   Instead, I'm going to thank you
   for the most important thing,
   coming into my life;
   and deciding never to leave <3
   
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3. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   February 2, 2010 4:57pm UTC
   Fam(ily)
   We may not have it all together;
   But together we have it all.
   <3
   
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4. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   February 2, 2010 4:54pm UTC
   I will always
   love you
   -Pinky Promise
   
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5. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   November 26, 2009 1:37pm UTC
   If I had to choose between
   loving you & breathing
   I'd use my last breath,
   to tell you I love you.
   <3
   Sorry about the fading, I know it didn't come out too good. =/
   I really don't like the top line but oh well.
   Use credit to XxKaylaxJoannexX
   Thanks. <3
   
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6. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   November 13, 2009 6:17pm UTC
   Daddy, It hurts!
   OMG....Read this....It is so sad...I cryed...
   This is A TRUE STORY AND IF YOU DON'T PASS THIS ON YOU DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!
   My name is Chris, I am three, My eyes are swollen..I cannot see.
   I must be stupid, I must be bad, What else could have made, My daddy so mad?
   I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy, Would still want to hug me.
   I can't do a wrong, I can't speak at all, Or else I'm locked up, All day long.
   When I'm awake, I'm all alone, The house is dark, My folks aren't home.
   When my mommy does come home, I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll just get, One whipping tonight.
   I just heard a car, My daddy is back, From Charlie's bar I hear him curse, My name is called, I press myself, Against the wall.
   I try to hide, From his evil eyes, I'm so afraid now, I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault, He suffers at work.
   He slaps and hits me, And yells at me more, I finally get free, And run to the door.
   He's already locked it, And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall.
   I fall to the floor, With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken.
   'I'm sorry!', I scream, But it's now much to late, His face has been twisted, Into a unimaginable shape.
   The hurt and the pain, Again and again, O please God, have mercy! O please let it end!
   And he finally stops, And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor.
   My name is Chris, I am three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me.
   And you can help, Sickens me to the soul, If you read this, and don't pass it on.
   I pray for your forgiveness, You would have to be, One heartless person, Not to be affected, By this Poem.
   And because you ARE affected, Do something about it! So all I ask you to do, IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE!
   Post this as 'Daddy ... it hurts' If you do not send this to everyone you know Then you obviously don't care about child abuse.
   At first I thought this was just a chain letter and I wasn't going to send it either, but now I realize that this is an important situation. At least 5 children each day from around the world die from child abuse!!!!
   
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7. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   November 7, 2009 8:07am UTC
   Forever & always?
   Since When Was Forever Only 3 Months?
   Am I missing something?
   </3
   Mine. <3
   
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8. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   August 11, 2009 5:59pm UTC
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9. XxKaylaxJoannexX
   posted a quote
   August 11, 2009 5:52pm UTC
   & am i the only one
   who sees a baby spider & still
   asks my daddy to kill it?
   Credit to loveforever
   
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10. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    August 11, 2009 3:34pm UTC
    && I was like, Why you so obsessed with me? <3
    
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11. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    August 11, 2009 3:29pm UTC
    Girl staring at Boy's Chest.
    Boy: Why are you staring at my abs?
    Girl: I'm Not there's something wrong with your shirt.
    Boy: What?
    Girl: Its still on.
    Then Boy takes off shirt
    Let's reverse it shall we...
    Boy staring at Girl's chest.
    Girl: My eyes are up here, boy.
    Boy: No. i know but theres something wrong with your shirt.
    Girl: What?
    Boy It's still on.
    Then girl slaps Boy across face and walks away.
    Everything seems different depending on who you are.
    Credit to Rachel_Loves_Yous15
    
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12. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    June 10, 2009 8:54pm UTC
    You think the stars are → beautiful?
    You haven't seen [[ h i s e y e s ]]
    You think Disney's the happiest place on → Earth?
    You haven't been [[ i n h i s a r m s ]]
    You think sugar tastes → sweet?
    You haven't [[ k i s s e d h i s l i p s ]]
    You think your boyfriend is awesome?
    You haven't [[ m e t m i n e ]]
    Not mine but so true.
    I love you babe<3
    
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13. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    June 8, 2009 9:39pm UTC
    Things u HAVE to do in a supa-market!!! 1.Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
    " 'Code 3' in housewares".... and see what happens.
    5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layby.
    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
    "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
    9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
    10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
    11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
    12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
    13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, leap out and say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
    14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the foetal position and scream..
    "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
    15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
    16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
    Not mine. Just thought it was pretty funny.
    <3
    
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14. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    May 22, 2009 4:36pm UTC
    I know it is long but you could read by the section colors if you'd like. =]
    Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
    If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?
    Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
    In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?
    How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
    Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
    Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
    Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
    Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
    Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?
    Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?
    Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
    Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
    Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?
    Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
    Why can't you get a tan on your palms?
    Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?
    Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
    Which way does a compass point in space?
    There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
    What came first the chicken or the egg?
    What color is a chameleon in front of a mirror?
    What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
    What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
    What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
    What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
    What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
    What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
    What happened to the first 6 ups?
    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
    What is another word for "thesaurus"?
    What is the speed of dark?
    When people lose weight, where does it go?
    When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
    When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
    When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
    When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
    When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
    Who sends styrofoam?
    Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
    Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
    Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
    Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
    Why are we afraid of falling?
    Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
    Why aren't there bulletproof pants?
    Why do airlines call flights nonstop?
    Won't they all stop eventually?
    Why do bars advertise live bands?
    What does a dead band sound like?
    Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
    If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
    Why do guys wear underpants?
    Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
    Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
    Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
    Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
    Why do they report power outages on TV?
    Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
    Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
    Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
    Why do we have hot water heaters?
    Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
    Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
    Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
    Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
    Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
    Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
    Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
    Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
    Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
    Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
    Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
    Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
    Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
    Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
    Why is the alphabet in that order?
    Is it because of that song?
    Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
    Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
    Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
    Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
    Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
    Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
    Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
    You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
    credit to lavaeg <3
    
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15. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    May 4, 2009 6:51pm UTC
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16. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    May 3, 2009 7:38pm UTC
    You & me♥
    laying under the stars
    my head on your chest
    eyes closed
    listening to your heartbeat.
    You lean over and whisper softly
    "I love you"...
    Then I open my eyes and realize, it only happens in my dreams.
    </3
    credit to soccachik457*
    
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17. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    April 27, 2009 10:16pm UTC
    DrY Your eYes, GIrL.
    : You're not the only one with a broken heart.
    : You're not the only one who doesn't feel loved,
    : or who is lost within herself, or has no place to go.
    : There are millions of girls just like you. Damp eyes,
    : parched lips, and clear tracks down their cheeks.
    : So get over the past, fight through the present, and
    ` ` - - - - - - - - > LIve For THe FuTure.
    -not mine
    
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18. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    April 27, 2009 10:06pm UTC
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19. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    April 27, 2009 9:58pm UTC
    16 Things to do in WalMart
    1. Stand by the automatic doors and when someone walks through, say, OMG, You Have The Force Too?
    2. Go into electronics and start talking to the appliances, say very loudly, NO FRANK, I haven't told them the truth yet. THEY DONT KNOW I AM A ROBOT!!
    3. Lie down, completely blocking off a isle, and pretend to be sleeping.
    4. Run around suspiciously humming the 007 theme song.
    5. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, roll on the floor yelling, ITS THE VOISES AGAIN. MAKE THEM STOP!!
    6. Run through the crowds sing if your happy and you know it clap your hands!
    7. When they don't clap their hands, tell them that they are never too old for therapy.
    8. Crawl on the floor humming the jaws theme song.
    9. When somebody ask why you are crawling on the floor, tell them you lost a contact lens.
    10. In the middle of a crowded area start yelling into the microphone on your phone," PUT THE BALL INTO THE HOLE, HOW HARD IS IT? JUST GRIP THE STICK TIGHTLY, AND GUIDE THE BALL IN, I DONT FREAKIN CARE HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE WATCHING, JUST DO IT!! YOU'VE BEEN WAITING TO YOUR WHOLE LIFE, DONT BLOW YOUR CHANCE NOW!!" Then look around and yell," IT'S THEY'RE FIRST TIME PLAYING MINIGOLF YOU PERVES!!
    11. Go up to random people and hold their hand and say I SEE DEAD PEOPLE...
    12. Go up to random people and say, OMG i haven't seen you in so long!- see if they play along.
    13. Say i love you to someone, and then run away
    14. Go up to some one and drop all of you stuff. If they help you pick it up again, drop it again. -repeat until store closes
    15. Go up to customer services and ask where they keep diet water.
    16. Go up to a random person and say, Do you know the muffin man?
    - not my credit
    
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20. XxKaylaxJoannexX
    posted a quote
    April 5, 2009 2:26am UTC
    YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
    (first pet + current car)
    Nike Galant
    YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME:
    (“The” + your favorite hobby/craft + favorite weather element + “Tour”)
    The Cheerleading Thunder Tour
    YOUR COUNTRY MUSIC STAR NAME:
    (first name of favorite actress/actor + favorite month)
    Ashley February
    YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
    (favorite color + favorite animal)
    Purple Duck
    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
    (middle name + city where you were born)
    Joanne Waterbury
    YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
    (the first three letters of your last name + first two letters of your first)
    Canka
    SUPERHERO NAME
    (“The” + second favorite color + favorite drink)
    The Pink Juicy Juice
    NASCAR NAME:
    (the first names of your grandfathers)
    John Albert
    STRIPPER NAME:
    (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent + favorite candy)
    Pink Milky Way
    WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:
    (mother’s and father’s middle names )
    Joeseph
    TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME:
    (Your fifth grade teacher’s last name + a major city that starts with the same letter)
    Walker Waterbury
    SPY NAME/BOND GIRL:
    (your favorite season/holiday + flower)
    Summer Daisy
    CARTOON NAME:
    (favorite fruit + article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or y)
    Mango Long Rivery
    HIPPY NAME:
    (what you ate for breakfast + your favorite tree)
    Captain Crunch Cherry Weeping Willow
    VAMPIRE NAME:
    (Name you want + Cullen)
    Kayla Cullen
    
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