I so badly want to live in New York City in an apartment with big windows so I can have lots of natural light and place little plants on their sills and watch the sun rise and set every morning and night, I want to sit in bed with a book and coffee and blankets and listen to the noisy traffic and never get annoyed by it because it'd be so exciting to think about how much life is being lived all around me, never stopping for a moment, I want cool artsy friends who will go with me to thrift stores and art galleries and concerts, friends who will stay in with me and watch Netflix for hours and hours, friends who I can waste disposable camera film on and friends who will go to McDonalds with me at 3 in the morning to eat fries and talk about nothing and sit in the park till the sun creeps into the sky, but I also want to be alone. I want to walk down the sidewalk on my own and sit in coffee shops on my own and buy flowers for myself on my own. I want to blend in, invisible to anyone who doesn't care to acknowledge my existence. I want to create my own little world within this large city, surrounded by other people in their own little worlds, hoping that mine could collide with some of theirs. I want newness, I want the unknown. I want the possibilty of being to go wherever and see whatever and be whatever and do whatever, the possibility of bumping into you. I've dreamt about this for so long and it hurts my heart to think about how I may never have it. I may never get to experience walking blocks and blocks just to meet up with a friend for brunch, or photographs of memories in the city at dusk, stuck to walls with scotch tape, I'm so jealous of everyone who's grown up there, or been able to move, or go to school there, or live there even just for the summer, and maybe it's not at all what I dream of it to be, but I want to find that out for myself. I can't imagine living my life and wanting this so badly and never having it. I don't know how to end this but I just really want to be in NYC.
Meany23