September 20, 2013
I had a great morning so far. I came into your class. I was hoping to exceed your expectations for me. I practiced this scene over and over again. I learned my lines. We wanted to surprise you, afterall we are the worst actors in the class. Our scene was done. I felt pretty good about it. Critism time... You assumed that I didn't learn my lines. My partner backed me up and said she was the one who was messing up. You then said I should make a choice. I was trying to tell you how we asked her to help us, but it didn't help that much. The suggestions she made were great, but it didn't seem to help me and my partner. We tried to get her to help more, but she didn't really know how to. We wanted her to help us choose who we were and how to carry out the character, but she didn't really understand what I was saying. We wanted to surprise you with an amazing performance from the worst actors... You cut me off mid-sentence while I was trying to explain. You told me I was acting like an 8 year old, trying to make an excuse for my bad performance on someone else. You are being immature and other stuff too. You did this infront of the whole class while I was onstage. "I never got a good job, Mary." or "That was one of the best performances you have done." I somehow held in crying on stage and the rest of class until Courtney came up and said "Good Job." That's all I wanted was a good job. She was the only one who gave it to me. I cried while she hugged me and you asked me to step into your office. You then proceeded to tell me that I've been a little bit edgy this semester. I've been mean. When everyone else is making a funny joke and I try, it sounds so rude. This made me cry harder. It's funny how fast your day can be ruined. But don't worry, sir. I won't be mean anymore. Tomorrow, I will stop eating and only drink, so I can lose the weight that my doctor said I so desperately needed to lose. Monday will come around I won't talk. I'll smile, but I won't be myself. Then I will come home to do a load of homework, to get good grades to please my parents, who will probably just fight the whole night and make me feel bad for being a horrible daughter as I keep to myself. I will do all of this while having extreme fatigue due to my medical condition causing me to bleed out of my crotch for months on end. I am already having troubles with seeing myself as fat and ugly now, having troubles with losing weight, having troubles with friends, being angry at myself if anyone thinks I am being mean, even if it's just cause I said no. Please don't worry about any of that sir. Just add another pebble to the weight upon my shoulders. Hopefully it will be over, soon.
-M.K
MaryKayRay