Nobody knows how close I was to comitting suicide.
February 26th, 2012
I knew how I was gonna do it,
And I knew it would be easy.
I've came close to succeeding 12 times.
But something always stopped me.
With tears soaking my shirt,
I didn't even bother to write a note.
I told my friends goodbye,
And reached for the belt.
I put it around my neck and tied it to my door.
I laid back and watched as the darkness stated closing in,
And my face became purple.
It would have been so easy to just let it happen.
With every passing second I became more and more peaceful.
My tears had stopped,
And I was ready to be done.
But then I thought
"Who's going to find me?
Will it be my sister,
Or one of my brothers?
What about my mom or dad?
My whole family will be devastated.
I can't do this to them."
I took off the belt,
And ran downstairs to my mom,
Bawling.
I told her;
"I don't care what you have to do.
Call an ambulance,
The police,
Anybody!
I don't care!
But I am not going to make it through the night,
If I don't get some help."
She was mad.
She didn't understand what made me think this way.
All I could keep saying is;
"I want to die!"
My mom then called a suicide hotline since it was hailing,
And not safe to drive.
She then went down to wake up my dad,
Who couldn't be bothered because he had work in the morning.
He couldn't even get out of bed,
When his own daughter was saying that she was going to die.
It was quite sad.
I was then put on suicide watch,
And had to be watched by my mom for 2 weeks after.
But....
Life has gotten better since then.
March 3, 2012
I went to Winter Ball at my school.
I Almost didn't go because I had been crying all night.
I was prepared for it to be another bad night.
But it turned out to be quite the opposite.
I got all dressed up,
And I looked like a princess.
But I wanted to numb the pain.
I drank some vodka,
And left for the dance.
My goal was to be as s lutty as possible.
I was grinding with everyone.
But this guy,
Named Ben was there.
I had liked him for a long time.
And he liked me.
But he was scared that he was going to hurt me,
And told me he wasn't ready to date.
So we stopped talking.
And as soon as I saw him,
I didn't want to be with anyone else.
I was persistent,
Eventually I got him to dance with me.
And we didn't let go of each other for the rest night.
At the end
I looked at him and asked
"Are you still not ready to date?"
He said;
"I don't know. Do you still want to date me."
I said;
"Yes!"
And he said;
"Okay, Will you go out with me?"
And I said;
"Yes I will (:"
And everyday since,
Hes given me a reason to look forward to tomorrow.
He's built me back up,
And fixed my shattered heart.
And he's right there fighting beside me.
I Love him,
And will marry him someday.
And my point to this story is;
Things may never be perfect,
But it does get better with time.
So you should stick around to see it.
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