Dudu*

Status: working...yay.

Member Since: 1 Jun 2013 04:40pm

Last Seen: 24 Apr 2024 02:36pm

Gender: F

user id: 361860

1,260 Quotes
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This turned into my diary somehow.

i have a black dog.

I'm still learning new things about myself. I'm sorry for the spam.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 31, 2023 11:19am UTC

this is where my mind goes when the water ain't too rough.
the reason you wanted, i'm sorry i couldn't give you that.
it's not just the difficulty of breathing in that thick air.
it's the way that i wanted the work day to end but hated being home.
how i couldn't answer phone calls incase a voice was raised.
i hate that money makes you want to speak to me more than my sombre mood ever could.
i hate that our conversations always became about another sibling.
i'm just a crumbled tissue in your back pocket.
it's always been like that.
it doesn't matter how hard i try or how much i try to bear.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 25, 2023 2:22pm UTC

i'm sorry i can't provide comfort,
but it was always like that for me.
i don't want to pretend anymore,
like i don't deserve better.
it's not fair.
i can cry too.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 25, 2023 2:16pm UTC

never been.
never was.
feeling empty just because,
you'll never accept all of me.
i tried to mother me for both of us.
the mum shaped hole is still here.
i can't parent myself, i'm too old for this.
my insecurities are words you have said.
my inner critic is also partly you and dad.
i'm sorry i'm moody. i thought i had forgiven you both.
especially these days it feels like a fresh wound.
forgive me, but i can't bring myself to smile.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 18, 2023 10:40am UTC

why do i even try

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 15, 2023 1:40pm UTC

why don't you hold me underwater, so my lungs can burn more.
then raise me back up, so i can breathe that fragrance i yearn for.
see, everytime you try to spite me,
i can get more clingy and you'd hate that.
want me to be more cynical?
i can get real critical, yeah, you'd hate that.
i can make crass remarks sometimes too.
pick apart insecurities and make you feel misunderstood.
like was your tight embrace ever really good enough?
did you think the rose petals scattered across our front yard
we're blown away by some wind?
everytime you want to touch me,
i can make excuses and shut you down.
and everytime you get me flustered,
i can turn these tables, make you do what i want.
see, i can get just as twisted too.
fake an image, just like you.
be sickly sweet, have you on your kness,
then be cold as ice thereafter.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 15, 2023 7:35am UTC

must have been the contrast between smitten eyes and words that kept me up at night.
the contrast between things you would whisper in my ear and things you would shout for others to hear.
the stark contrast between your good and bad days.
like a proverbial rollercoaster of emotions,
you made me high at times and devastatingly low at other times.
it must have been how you made it all seem so real.
like the most delicate parts of you were true.
made me want to overlook your harsh disparities.
the angel of remorse with eyes brimming with apology,
he was just as real as the devil who seemed to beam at the idea of hurting me.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
March 15, 2023 7:26am UTC

i remember when you wanted me to praise you.
cup your face, tell you how much i owed you.
long adorned sentences, i polished them over and over in my mind.
those compliments i kept at the ready, rain or shine.
i'll admit, i blushed more times than necessary.
i'll admit, you had a strong hold over me.
you wanted me right where i was,
in the palm of your brass knuckled hands.
my heart must have bloomed a few thousand times.
by day two, you knew i'd be there and yours anytime.
remember when you wanted me to praise you,
pat your head, tell you how much i adored you.
honey seeped right out of my eyes.
the clouds above me, mirrored your touch that night.
you wanted me right where i was.
at your beck and call even when i'd ignited your temper.
any wrong step could become your trigger.
i'll admit, i held your hand for longer than i could muster.
how was it that your tender voice could say such words with vigour?
words that made butterflies become a knot in my stomach,
that only your soft words could untangle.
did you know? sometimes i held my breath when you got close.
you wanted me to praise you.
if i could have timed my heart rhythm with yours, i would have done that too.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
February 28, 2023 8:31am UTC

it just don't seem fair.
feel like i'm in a constant state of despair.
could he light me up in ways i've never seen?
could that really be the answer to everything?
holding on hope like this, it's not easy.
days like this, all it does is drown me.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
February 14, 2023 3:02am UTC

numb&teary
babe take me away.
i don't want my inhibitions.
strip them away.
come be my perfect distraction.
tell me pretty words.
make me feel less cold.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
February 14, 2023 2:57am UTC

ifeelblue.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
February 5, 2023 1:45am UTC

you just take it one day at a time.
don't let any bad people stomp on your piece of mind.
try to fill each day with as much joy you can muster
then at the end let your body find rest in slumber.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
January 27, 2023 2:03pm UTC

"the price of mastery is beginner's embarrassment"

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Dudu*
posted a quote
January 22, 2023 1:51pm UTC

let go
cheeks burning, mind racing.
i couldn't bury this lovely feeling.
a warm touch, i was star struck.
you said you'd give me the world
if i gave you a chance.
i was elated, started sprinting.
next second only i'm limping.
lungs burning, eyes stinging,
you gave me a new reason.
it was rose glasses, blind-sided.
said you want to try something.
smooth talker, hypnotist.
"it's okay baby", i'm spineless.
i didn't want to let you down.
sandy beach, yacht club,
a surprise trip, i've got to come.
introverted, my battery drained.
"pull it together", i play pretend.
so its black dress, pursed lips,
i'll be the best actress.
now snows falling, burst bubble,
you said she just wanted trouble.
i cried myself to sleep for weeks.
deflated, bent backwards.
still wanted a better reason.
you just had to make it right.
it was one step, plus two
they don't mean a thing to you.
sweet talker, strategist,
i became your little airhead.
deep down, i knew it wasn't right.
head spinning, dirty feeling.
all you did was dream selling.
want you to give us one last try,
promise to be a better guy.
heart aching, there's no changing.
at least just tell me one last lie.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
January 22, 2023 7:05am UTC

wanted him to see through me. until his eyes felt like lasers on my skin.
wanted him to choose me. until his touch felt like habitual sin.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
January 20, 2023 8:35am UTC

Well you can text me later if you want.
I'll call later
I might be asleep though
Don't go to sleep?

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Dudu*
posted a quote
January 12, 2023 1:41pm UTC

and i can admit to myself that i'm scared.
i still feel stupid and hate myself sometimes.
i still get nervous. sometimes i take my feelings out on others.
i'm not perfect. i forget important things.
i still try my best. i apologise and strive to do better.
i still get anxious, i still feel this knot form in my stomach and this pressure settle down on my chest.
i still feel the beads of sweat on my skin and still i sometimes don't have all the answers.
anyone in my shoes would feel the same, i'm certain.
i'm doing okay, but i can do better.
i still feel stupid and hate myself sometimes, i'm dreading saturday and the potential mistakes i can make.
the potential people i can upset and the potential enemies i can make. the potential disagreements and
the potential action i would have to take in the future.
i'm learning but i'm still scared. when this year ends it'll all be like clockwork.
until then i need to keep striving and surviving.
i've made it this far. that has to count for something.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 26, 2022 2:06am UTC

you know what,
i am proud of myself.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 22, 2022 1:36pm UTC

what if i stopped caring?
but my silence seems to offend you.
i'm at the starting lines while you've already reached your flow state.
we're not the same.
you keep making me feel bad for tripping up.
i apologise and joke around with you.
you're always the same.
hot then cold, but always brutal.
i can't accept all of you.
i can't seem to keep you happy.
you're not impressed.
well okay, that one stung.
add it to the list of mistakes i've done.
it's hard cause i know you're right.
but you expect me to hit the ground running and i'm scared.
i hate disappointing people.
i tried to take it lightly but you still tried calling me out.
i can't be all go with the flow.
i've made more errors than i can count, but haven't we all?
honestly. haven't we all?
keep keeping scores and keep telling me your not impressed.
all i regret was trying to flatter you.
never again. you can stroke your own ego.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 12, 2022 1:39pm UTC

especially today i feel so gruesome. i don't want to catch my reflection or remain in my own skin. especially today i need your distraction, your decorated words of adoration. i can't stand myself i've starved then fulled myself to the brim. especially today i need your kindness to overcome my bitterness. i haven't been good. talk me out of this. help me set this straight. i don't want to sleep but i need rest. a day has gone by and i'm still in regret. especially today i needed you.

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Dudu*
posted a quote
December 10, 2022 10:49am UTC

growing up feels like saying goodbye.
i'm going to miss you.
i always thought you were so pretty.
i'm going to tell you.
you're the type of person who thrives anywhere they go.
i'm going to tell you.
you deserve better and deserve all the happiness.
i'll tell you on tuesday.

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Dudu*