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Member Since: 1 Jun 2013 04:40pm

Last Seen: 31 May 2024 01:34pm

Gender: F

user id: 361860

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This turned into my diary somehow.

i have a black dog. 

I'm still learning new things about myself.  I'm sorry for the spam.

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  1. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    June 7, 2024 9:11am UTC
    i gave you more assurance than i needed to
    i helped you out far more than i needed to
    i talked to you for far longer than i needed to
    i pined for you for longer than i admit to
    i waited for you for longer than i wanted to
    i bet you question why i did that for you
    i ask myself why i did that too
    perhaps it's because i always see myself in you
    perhaps i gave you the love i needed too
    and someday i'll get it in return, in two-fold, too

  2. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    April 27, 2024 1:17pm UTC
    closure would look like a ring on my finger.
    closure would feel like your arms around me.
    closure would be waking up next to you,
    everyday for the rest of my life.
    i like the way you love, i want that for myself.
    don't you get that i know you...perhaps better than anyone else?
    don't you know that a love like mine comes only once in a lifetime?
    i can't shake feeling like i'm written for you and you for me.
    i keep thinking i'm your missing piece.

  3. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2024 1:10pm UTC
    i've been living off the crumbs of your love
    and i'm starving now.

  4. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    April 18, 2024 1:07pm UTC
    i don't want to care about you anymore!
    if we're meant to be then i think it should have already happened by now.
    where is the man i marry?

  5. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    April 14, 2024 7:59am UTC
    you wanted to be rory, but i'm afraid it's me.
    i'm not prepared to wait thousands of years for you to realise it's me.
    how do i shake this feeling, doctor?

  6. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    April 14, 2024 7:51am UTC
    i still pray for you.
    i still have hope for you.
    even if i shouldn't,
    i still want you.

  7. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    April 5, 2024 7:24am UTC
    one day i won't care this much.
    one day it won't hurt this much.
    i still wish so badly that you would understand me. that you would know me.
    i wish you would check in with me genuinely.
    there's so much that has happened to me.
    i wish you would show me your love in the ways that i wanted you to.
    i wish you told me how perfect i was already.
    i wish you never compared me to others.
    i wish you would just know me and accept me as i am.
    i don't think you'll ever know to what extent you've hurt me.
    i just feel like you should know me by now.
    know me beyond the foods i like to eat.
    i wish you knew my other preferences.
    i wish you knew and accepted. but you just can't ever seem to accept me.
    i didn't ask to be this way. i am just the way i am.
    there are things i wish i could change so you could accept me but i just can't.
    i don't know which parts were nature and which were nuture.
    all i know is that you have never accepted all of me.
    i don't even know how you see me.
    must be some weird mixture of ungrateful and detached. you must think i've shut everything off completely just to spite you.
    but i am not like that.
    i wish you knew me.
    i think if you knew me mum, then you would truly love me.

  8. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    March 24, 2024 1:34pm UTC
    chase two girls
    lose 'the one'

  9. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    March 24, 2024 1:27pm UTC
    you always come back to me

  10. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    March 24, 2024 1:26pm UTC
    you make my heart
    + break
    but i can't turn away and it's driving me wild.
    you're driving me wild.

  11. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    March 24, 2024 1:24pm UTC
    i don't know
    i don't know
    i don't know
    i'm just going to follow my heart

  12. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    March 11, 2024 11:36am UTC
    what am i to you?
    does this even matter?
    it won't work out unless you change.
    this sucks!

  13. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    March 10, 2024 10:23am UTC
    you're not
    really good
    at comforting me,
    you know?

  14. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    February 29, 2024 12:33pm UTC
    i think i'll look back and laugh
    i just want to know the reason
    i'll probably look back and laugh
    i just want to know the reason
    surely i'll look back and laugh
    will the reason be because
    it worked out well or differently?
    i want to know the reason.

  15. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    February 29, 2024 8:12am UTC
    when we don't text i feel this knot in my stomach.
    i think i am already attached to you.
    even if there's others on your roster...
    i just don't know how to overcome you.

  16. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    February 26, 2024 2:03pm UTC
    i want you to lock eyes with me + tell it to me straight.
    it's okay if you smile, but i just need to hear it from you.
    otherwise this all doesn't matter.
    it would have all just been another one of those things.

  17. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    February 24, 2024 12:29pm UTC
    i never want to lose you,
    i never want to lose touch.
    i never want to ignore you or awkwardly walk past.
    i think that would break me,
    so i don't like to think about it too much.
    i think i understand you better than myself.
    i think i love you more than anything else.

  18. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    February 22, 2024 8:49am UTC
    it's never been this bad.
    i'm really attached this time.
    when anyone asks if were together i just brush it off, but it's really bad.
    when i slip into a daydream, it's always involving you.
    when i see something sweet, i always share it with you.
    when i'm having trouble sleeping, i always text you.
    when i'm stressed out, i've found myself leaning on you.
    it's really never been this bad.
    to be honest, it's really never been this good.
    i'm just anxiously anticipating the part where it goes sour,
    so i keep telling myself 'this is so bad'.
    because it's dangerous. if this ends, i don't know how i'll make it without you.

  19. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    February 3, 2024 1:48pm UTC
    i almost don't want to write this but i remind myself this isn't for you. this is for my own release.
    time and time again i gave second chances. a part of me has completely turned away from you now.
    you won't get anything more than surface level from me anymore.
    i hadn't seen this side of you for a while so i forgot how awful you could be.
    no compassion or empathy. just relentless nagging and no care to my feelings at all.
    you didn't care to think that i had been overworked.
    you didn't care to think that i was holding back so i didn't burst into tears there and then.
    you never say sorry cause you never think you're wrong.
    but you were wrong. the way you acted wasn't okay.
    everyone else felt the tense air and told me it wasn't right.
    i hate when you act like that and expect me to treat you like normal after. that's not fair.
    it's not fair for you to have unrealistic expectations and drain me, scold me, bother me for not reaching them.
    i'm so over that attitude that you show when you feel like enough hasn't been done.
    i'm mostly hurt that i was working so many days, and each day still worked overtime to get things done.
    meanwhile you were off and didn't think at all about the hell i'd gone through when i was alone.
    you didn't think of the fact that i was physically and mentally drained.
    you were just focussing on what else needed to be done.
    just nitpicking and repeating the same points over and over. no response i gave satisfied you.
    i knew you just wanted me to agree, that i was in the wrong, that you weren't asking for much.
    no. you were expecting to come back to everything being perfect.
    you were expecting a 4 man job out of 3 people.
    you knew the only way that would happen was if i were to bend myself backwards even more, stay back at work even more and bleed myself dry even more.
    i deserve an apology. not that look on your face.

  20. Dudu* Dudu*
    posted a quote
    January 29, 2024 11:54am UTC
    i've been in survival mode these past few weeks.
    i need to start living again.
    i need to eat healthily.
    i need to get enough sleep.
    i shouldn't be feeling so exhausted all the time.
    i'm still young.


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