day
one
the day you left you took sanity. no motive, just tears and screams
and fists against walls and fists in mij mouth and fists unable to
calm down or keep me safe. They where right when they say that
sometimes we clench our fists, not to fight but because we
can't let go. day two
there is no feeling. When I was happy, I was happy for you, and
when I was sad, it was because you didn't call. ... and now you
wont call anymore. Is there any comfort in silent phones and closed
doors? The
air is colder now, less clean. Nobody to warm me up in the
winterdays. Dust gathers and I mistake it for a friend. day three
I used to be pretty, but now I can't taste your chocolate lips
I still long for that taste. I rip my skin in hopes to forget. And
when the mirror copies my face, I can't seem to find the girl
you once loved anymore. day
four
I go out and find a lover or a beer. I almost forget that with you,
kissing doesn't feel like pushing a wall and touching
doesn't feel like betrail and going home doesn't feel like
fleeing in a dark cave. day five
the bed is half empty, there's only one half of me left. I try
to fill it with memories of you. I told you that I needed you, and
you replied that I'm doing just fine. What I don't tell you
is that I survive on the dreams that we're still together. I
take them in like oxigen and feel dislocated when I wake up all
alone. day
six
it hits me that I won't have that honeymoon, or those kids, or
that house, or that life we talked about when we where watching the
stars. The future is once again the big unknown that you had
scarred away. day seven
it's been a week since my heart was shattered, and I'm not
trying to pick up the pieces. It's been a week since I saw your
eyes break when you said: "I can't do this anymore".
And I... I've said too much and not enough. I pushed away and
pulled hair and strings. Sometimes grief and refief are synonims so
let's start there.
