I know no
one will read this, and I guess I don't want them to. That
makes me brave enough to say this.
I am a compulsive liar. None of my friends know who I really am,
becuase everything that I've ever told them has been a lie. I
can count on one hand how many truthful things I've said to
my friends, who I've known for three years.
After saying all that, here is my reason why. In sixth grade, I
let out a secret to a good friend of mine. It was something I
hadn't really told anyone because I never saw reason to, but
all the sudden I wanted to tell my friend. After a while my whole
group of friends knew, and for a while I thought they were okay
with it. (It wasn't anything bad like I killed someone or
anything, just different and wierd) That was until I overheard
them talking about how crazy I was, how wierd and different I
was. I ran home crying for days after that. They called me a
freak, and to this day I can not stand that word. I lost all my
friends that year, which was difficult for me. I used to be
popular, so it was difficult to go from being surrounding by
people to being shunned by everyone. Eventually I made friends
with people who had just transfered to my school. I obsereved and
watche how "normal" kids reacted with their friends and
mimicked it. I didn't want to be abandoned again. BUt the
lies got too much and I started cutting. When I stopped, I
developed trichotillomania and was laughed at becuase of this.
Now during high school, I hide my scars and make them light
enough that no one will see. I haven't cried since my
grandpop died (he was the only person who has ever called me
beautiful and accepted how wierd I am), and I have not let a
single person know who I am.
I've seen people look down on liars and spit on them in
disgrace. But we aren't liars by choice. Something has
happened that has crushed our trust in people, but we are so
afraid of being alone we shape ourselves to look like we belong.
It hurts and after a while you get so tired of the lies that you
want to just stop. But
you're in too deep and stopping would mean being alone again,
and you just can't handle that. SO you keep sinking furthur
and furthur into this hole you've dug for yourself until you
can finally convince yourself that the lies are true and one day
you'll go mad from not being able to distinguish the two but
at least you won't have to deal with the struggle any
more.
If you have stayed to read this long, thank
you.
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reply
EmmaKitty · 1 decade ago
0
reply
I know exactly how you feel. I know lots of people just say that but I mean it. I'm here if you need to talk. I may not get back to you right away but I will as soon as possible <3 I promise.