09-16-12
Saturday,
So yeah. It's fifteen. Yay.
We used to have our month anniversary each 15th. That's just
so great.
I woke up thinking about it. But now that date doesn't have a
meaning anymore. Actually he was going to rehearsal today with
his band, like any other weekend, any
other simple Saturday. But of course, he won't because
he's grounded because of me. I wonder if maybe he thinks
about how this day would be, if he remembers 15ths...
No. July fifteenth, -the day he asked me to be his
girfriend- doesn't have a meaning a n y m o r e.
. . .
I remember yesterday how we were watching the sky and the stars,
and a cloud that looked like a T, (the first letter of his real
name), appeared.
"Look, a T from your name!" I told him pointing at
it.
"hmmm for me it looks more like a 7", he said with his
perfect voice.
I thought to myself, "a
seven, like the Seventh you told me you were in love with me,
07-07-11" But I just remained silent.
. . .
He texted me in the morning and told me to not to worry about him
being grounded. How can I not worry if it was my fault? I
have made him stay a little more. I know he wishes he
hasn't come to my house. But I will not say anything because
I know that will make him angry.
He is a little bad tempered, he gets angry so fast, specially
with me, and specially when I'm crying.
*i'ts maybe that when I cry I always start being kind of mean
with him, but all the time I'm suffering, that's what he
can't understand, I just wish he understood and be gentle
with me when I'm angry. THAT REAALLY would calm me down like
inmediatly*....
Anyway, I'm like an expert in making him angry. Ok. Well I
never saw that side of him, not until our first fight as a
couple. I still remember it, and how much his attitude scared me.
He's always happy, telling jokes, mocking people.
That's the Matthew I knew
for more than a year. But then I met his bad
side, I think a side only few have seen
of him.
I keep watching the calendar. I keep thinking "what
if...?" sigh. I also wonder if yesterday maybe he would have
liked to kiss me. Maybe, just maybe, a very little part very
very deep inside of him wanted to. But I really doubth
it.
Anyway at night he texted me and told me how his day was. I was
happy to see that he had a great day with his family. Well he
sounded happy...:) it made happy too. Maybe his parents will
un-ground him for this weeks party. I really
really want him to go.... I will pray this week
everyday and hopefully god will hear me a make my wishes come
true :( Sigh.
I keep thinking of how my life has changed in only two months. I
makes me wanna cry sooooo bad. I was looking at some old tweets I
posted long time ago and it made me depressed. I cried for a
while and I wanted to tell him I was sad so bad but I just
swallowed it. I don't want to argue with him anymore as I
said for some reason he gets angry when I'm sad. I wish he
wasn't like that but maybe it's just my fault. I went to
sleep early thinking of him, of us..
So yeah. That was my Saturday.
