thebestscreamer · 1 decade ago
It's weally good!
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blair waldorf* · 1 decade ago
yeah, I totally agree with FabStories. but overall, it's great! I can't wait to see what happens next!! xoxo
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FabStories · 1 decade ago
I love this story, but I think there are A LOT of fragments in there. (Uncomplete sentences) They also need more description and detail.

Example:
I was excited for my first day of eleventh grade.
I got in the shower and afterwards, got ready.
I put on a cute top and skinny jeans.
I put a light amount of makeup on.
I liked the natural look.
My friends always said I was beautiful, and I didnt deny it.
I think you need to put more detail into these sentence like this:

I was excited for my very first day of eleventh grade, it had been on my mind for quite some time. I was bursting with joy since it was finally here.
I rose up from my bed and stretched, and then stumbled to the bathroom. I got in the shower and afterwards, got ready.
I put on the outfit I had planned the night before, which was a cute too and skinny jeans. I finished off with a pair of white Converse.
I put a light amount of makeup on, since I liked the natural look. That included curling my eyelashes an applying a bit of mascara. I also glossed my lips with a peach color.
My friends always said I was beautiful, and I didn't deny it. I was lucky to be attractive and receive compliments from people.

See the difference? I don't mean to offend you in any way, so don't worry. I also think Tate needs more description. What makes him so perfect? His appearance? His personality?

I also think that this story needs to slow down the pace a bit. For example, she lost her hearing in one chapter, and then the next she learns sign language and how to read people's lips. And then she made friends with people who loved her and didn't care about her disability, and suddenly it's one year later with a boyfriend.

Overall, I think this story's fabulous and I will continue to read it despite these things I ranted about.
- Good luck!
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